pepperoni capybara
Goldfish is a childhood memory for many. The nice, processed cheddar flavor hitting your taste buds will send you shivering on your seat, wanting more. Unfortunately, Goldfish have been falling off in recent years. Students, and even schools, prefer the pathetic, beaten down “flavor” of Cheez-Its. While I will not directly advertise the consumption of Goldfish, I hope that you go to your local grocery store and get a little thing of Goldfish. I got this idea from Zachary Rose's Uncrustables hierarchy thing.
#7 Pizza Goldfish
Pizza Goldfish is NASTY. I would not eat that stuff if I was starving in the middle of the woods. Pizza Goldfish makes me want to throw up, then eat that thrown up vomit off the ground to cleanse the pizza taste out of my mouth. Enough has been said.
#6 Flavor Blasted Goldfish
Flavor Blasted Goldfish is also nasty, but not as nasty as Pizza Goldfish. Like Cheeto dust, the cheese particles rub off on your fingers. Fortunately, it is not as severe as actual Cheetos. I want to say the following to Goldfish flavor makers: Just because it is blasted does not mean it is better. (My sister likes it though)
#5 Baby Goldfish
Imagine the original Goldfish flavor. Imagine how flavorful it is, how much delicious cheddar is stuffed inside the little Goldfish fish. Now, imagine it is smaller and more depressing. That is Baby Goldfish.
#4 Pretzel Goldfish
Now we're getting into the good stuff. Pretzel Goldfish is the superior pretzel, but not the best Goldfish. Delicious, chunky salt coats the exterior, but the inside is kind of underwhelming. Still, Pretzel Goldfish is a great snack for anybody who loves pretzels and/or salt.
#3 Original Goldfish.
Good ol’ reliable, the Original Goldfish. The building block of the Goldfish snack. I used to eat tons of these all the time, but eventually it fell off. It is still an S tier snack, but it has been too long. We all need some variety. If it were old me, the original would be #1, but a life full of exploration is better than a life full of repetition and routine.
#2 Mickey Mouse Goldfish
I’m telling you, Mickey Mouse Goldfish will change your life. That stupid, pathetic rat does wonders for your taste buds. I have no idea what Mickey Mouse Goldfish does better, but it sure does it well. They are often found in the premises of the small Mom & Pop shop of Target, so investigate there if you want the blessings of Mickey Mouse upon you.
#1 Colors Goldfish
Often referred to as “Rainbow Goldfish”, Colors Goldfish is amazing. First off, there are many flavors in a single bag. Now the brain might trick me into thinking they are different flavors because of the different colors, but I am for it. Give your friends the bad colored ones and say they are the good ones. Emotional manipulation is great for bonding! Also, they are plant based. While the cheese is still in the Goldfish, they are now healthier for you at a better taste. I don’t know man, something about the Colors Goldfish hits different. Colors Goldfish is a must try.
While I do know that I am not the overlord god of Goldfish tier lists, I have made a tier list on the tastiest organs, which the Deanster Weekly approved of! Just try some of these flavors if you ever go to Target (Except pizza one). Editor notes: I may have posted this before, but i have the memory of a goldfish (animal)
color sucks