Justice Served for L.E. Monke

Ada Mug Ray and Ron Al Danmann

Note: this article will make little to no sense without some context, so (please) read the previous articles.

After what Sanic the Hodgeheg said about the murderer’s identity, rumors have spread that the real murder was Baltze. Apparently, someone with inside information has revealed that the real murder was Baltze, and he admitted himself. This person was a member of the goons, a follower of Baltze, but for the past two years, he has secretly been supplying information to the NMC secrets of the Goons. . Recently, he overheard Baltze bragging to the plebeians that he killed L.E. Monke. Now, most of the followers, being loyal to Baltze, never said a word to the public. But our unnamed hero heard this and immediately notified the NMC in secret. Now at first, they were a little skeptical about this, but since he has been supplying them with information for so long, they gave him a little bit of leniency. They still had to have proof, though, so they announced this news to the public, hopefully to get some tips to lead them in the right direction. There was an overwhelming amount of evidence, including home invasions, past war crimes, callbacks to The Battle of The McDonalds Parking Lot, yah the one near Tomboys, relations with the hood, and many other things we can’t list here or else it would be longer than the Fitnessgram pacer test. Anyways, that isn’t even the main part of this story, so let’s get back to it. Sanic the Hodgeheg, Romulus D. Oge VI, and Zhespin Gallop soon came to the conclusion that the murder was Baltze after they finished connecting all of the dots. At first, they raided Baltze’s home, but he was nowhere to be found. Then they raided the Goons headquarters (Del Amo Shopping Mall), but he wasn’t there either. They checked the stores, not there. They checked the E-bike place, not there. They checked his grandmother’s house, still not there. At this point, the NMC declared a worldwide manhunt for Baltze, as he had fled his hometown. Baltze could be anywhere, and the INMO sent out flyers worldwide to find this fugitive. Eventually, after days of waiting, two passerbyers apparently saw Baltze at 688 F.F. Lane, and soon enough, the INMO was able to catch up to him. They bombarded his house with 10,000 soldiers and successfully captured Baltze, and proceeded to eat all of his glizzys. They found evidence in his basement, along with a signed contract with Amogus, Inc. that the three main suspects were actually just helping to cover up Baltze the whole time. Because of this, Mike Wazowski, Sussy Imposter, and Big Floppa were put into jail for life, but Baltze had something way worse in store for him.

(Violence warning. Viewer discretion advised.) On the morning of February 9, evil Baltze was put into prison, along with harsh community service for 2 years. When he got let out, he was taken to his execution at the New Kingdom Stadium with 49,053 people watching and billions more watching on Live TV. At exactly 3:00 PM, the bell struck, the floor went down, and Baltze was painfully killed. In the underworld, Obama was waiting for Baltze to arrive, and he got special permission to force him back to the living world, where he would be executed yet again in front of a booing crowd. Each of these executions were extremely painful, as he would usually be shot, hanged, burnt, beaten, ridiculed, stick bugged, and eaten to death at the same time. This never got old to the fans, and this process was repeated 15 times so that Baltze would have a slow and painful death. But on the 17th execution, the guards got a little more laid back and relaxed, but Baltze was as determined as ever to get out of there. When the guards were locking him into his chains, they forgot to lock one of his feet to the floor, and when the flames died down and the gunshots stopped ringing, instead of seeing the lifeless body of Baltze, they saw nothing. The evil Baltze had miraculously disappeared. It took a few seconds for the fans and people on TV to realize this, but once they did, they were furious. The world united together yet again in a worldwide manhunt to hunt down Baltze. For days, the INMO worked tirelessly day and night to find Baltze, but around the second month, people started to lose hope. It looked like the goons would win this once, and Baltze would never be found. People were depressed for days, but then Big Floppa from earlier gave a tip to Amber Alert that Baltze was spotted in his neighborhood. The INMO sent him, along with a secret service agent, to the neighborhood to investigate. At 3:00 AM; after waiting for countless hours in a run-down Corolla right on the side of the road, they saw the silhouette of a dog-like figure going into the back alley. They secretly followed him, and after cornering him, they found out that the figure was, in fact, not Baltze, and it was a Doge selling some oil illegally. They arrested him, of course, but they were still extremely flabbergasted. They waited for hours, with no luck. Days passed, still no luck. Eventually, they left the town, convinced that Baltze was not in the town. But by a stroke of luck and unluck, just hours after they left the town, Baltze was spotted again in the same place that they had been camping. They suspected that Baltze knew they were there, and was just waiting for days to get to wherever he was trying to go. So, under super-secret cover, Romulus D. Oge VI went to the street where Baltze crossed, and he spotted him crossing the street. Baltze was looking around, frightened, while Romulus, blending in with the crowd, secretly followed him. Baltze eventually went to a dead end, which was perfect for the INMO because then, Romulus appeared at the entrance to the dead end. Baltze was apparently selling fake money on behalf of Amogus, Inc. Baltze looked over a dumpster, and panic settled into his eyes. Romulus found him. In a state of panic, he scraggly climbed up the brick wall, but was met with many helicopters and at least 10,000 soldiers. Baltze was alone, and with no backup, the INMO was easily able to capture him and put him in chains.

Because Baltze had already been to court, it was just a matter of bringing him to the National Meme Prison and putting him behind bars. But Leo the Lawyer, who was paid to defend Baltze, chased after the police car demanding justice. He used his pencil to stab a hole in the tire, and then proceeded to eat all the cops’ doughnuts. Leo presented his case, but his arch-nemesis, Miles Edgeworth, shot him down after a bit of convincing (guns and threatening with community service). Baltze was officially brought to jail under the constant watch of guards 24 hours a day, every day. He is currently being held in a maximum security cell where the international meme community hopes they never have to deal with a dilemma like this ever again. It looks like L.E. Monke with the angels helped us solve this case.