Obama
This may be a surprise to all the high schoolers, but the AM wave has recently shut down just this year. Advanced film students are outraged by this, as the main reason they were in that class to begin with does not exist anymore! So we wanted to find out the real reason the AM wave shut down.
Our first step was to find any patterns. New things that happened this year: Mr Olesiuk became principal, two new vice principals, bell schedule change, AIRE time after 5th Period, Ms. Forester teaches Symphonic Band, Intro to Band and Orchestra are introduced, DW slowly decreases in popularity (sorry) Apple Watches must be put away in backpacks, Aarav Maggon gets a buzz, they brought back Big Daddy Hot Pockets, Dylan Black and Desiree (sorry if I don’t know how to spell) became ASB presidents, and much more. All of these could contribute, but we looked at our conspiracy board and found… the BCLL. This was a very plausible theory, as the BCLL has many associations with things in the past, but the only evidence we found towards her was the fact that she had participated in the National Skibidi Toilet convention of 1981. This convention in particular, she had created a Skibidi toilet life-sized replica, where BALTZE was hiding inside. Yes, Baltze, the one who killed (spoiler alert!) L.E. Monke. As we looked further, we found images of them together, and their 3rd grade yearbook, with more photos confirming that they were close friends. We wanted to know if this was still true, or if they had broken up over the years. We brought Baltze to MBMS while the BCLL was chilling in the teacher’s lounge, and the results were mildly disappointing. We observed that they had some natural interaction, as if they had been friends in the past, but the conversation was awkward and they weren’t really too happy to see each other either. The conversation ended in a short two minutes, confirming the BCLL was not associated.
The next very plausible suspect was Garfield the Janitor. As I, Ron Al Danmann, put on my thinking cap, I can’t just help but notice how all the evidence lines up. Garfield has talked with Mr Oleshuik before, and he’s part of MBMS staff! Oh wait, never mind. Garfield was only associated with the presidency and has no further effect on our investigation.
The next ever so slightly more plausible theory is Aarav Maggon ( also known as ChunkiMunki, Monkey Man, Aarav Maggot, etc.) You see, he had grown his hair nonstop from sixth grade until he looked a little bit special and his dark hair draped past his knees and grew 15 pounds of powdered sugar and a whole ecosystem with a civilization in there. So when he got a buzz, it was the most surprising thing since Beethoven's 10th symphony. Now rumor has it that the system at MBMS glitched and Mr. Bainer thought Aarav was going to be in his class, meaning he would go on the AM wave at some point. Mr. Bainer and his team took one look at Aarav and said, “Erm, what the sigma?” Because of this, since Aarav going on the wave would be inevitable, the only option was to shut it down. He didn’t actually do film, though, so it was all just a misunderstanding. It’s not a very good theory, but it’s interesting.
At this point in time, Sanic and Zhespin were stumped. They had questioned the MB Goons, the RB Goons, the LB Goons, the T Goons, the HB Goons, the Beverly Hills Goons, and even the Cheese Addicts, but nothing useful has come up yet. Until… One seemingly normal evening, after a long and hard day of questioning the Cheesettes with no prevail, Sanic, Zhespin, and Romulus walked towards the NMC Cemetery to give their daily prayer to the deceased L. E. Monke, when suddenly, they saw a light in the sky. L. E. Monke descended from the Heavens to give one last piece of advice to the tired investigators: “talk to the Redondo Beach Goons , and the Beverly Hills Goons”. He disappeared in a shimmering light.
And so they did. The next morning, Sanic ventured up to Mrs. Auday’s mansion in Beverly Hills and found a whole bunch of MBMS propaganda secret workers hanging out there. Still keeping a low profile, he listened in on their conversation, and what he heard shocked him. Inside, there were a bunch of Goon Members, including Dylan Black, Baltze II, Obama III, Joe Biden IV, and Smash Mouth V. They were having a meeting about the upcoming Meme council elections for 2024, but also, and more importantly, were talking about the AM Wave. During this yap session, Dylan Black revealed he was a skinwalker, and enjoyed stealing organs from the AM wave kids. He said that master Bainer had told him numerous times to stop, but never did. It is said that once, he even stole the entire team’s supply of glizzys! Obama III admitted to being Rubber Duckie, who was also an organ-loving-pepperoni man.
Next up, we have the theory of the Deanster Weekly (I had to include this). Basically, ever since the rise of the DW, the AM wave has been extremely nervous, even going out of their way to create a rip-off Deanster Weekly, Waves today. Ever since Waves Today has died , it pains me to admit this, but the DW has also died as well. ‘But why?’, you may say, is the AM Wave shutting down after the DW shut down also? Well, it is because of this one article made by Clyde Arnold, where it is mentioned that the DW will likely return to popularity after Deanster Games and Food Delivery were made public. Not wanting to risk being an inferior DW, the AM wave decided to shut down to avoid humiliation.
So there we have it: multiple reasons on why the AM wave had shut down. We may never know for sure, but like, it’s kinda obvious you sigmas. (It’s obviously the one about Dylan Black and Desiree(my b if I spelled that wrong)). See you next week!
*Additional disclaimer!!! I wrote this under the influence of my thinking cap, and pizza crunchers.
Food Delivery?