This Just in: MBMS Presidency Corruption

Ada Mug Ray (little help of Ron Al Danmann

Recently there was an election for school president with candidates that think that they can make a difference to this asylum (school). Next the candidates (in order of popularity)

Rose S. and Justin J. These kids combine brains with popularity so they have nearly complete control over the school, even though they put up two posters to advertise. (One of which got torn down by “the wind”) These candidates are part of the Dancing Baby party at MBMS

Henry G. and Annabel L. I like Henry, he is in my math class and he is very funny and nice! (no bias*) Annabel is intelligent but may contradict herself at times, however she is in choir which is why they are in second place (choir=not good*) They are the only ones who are sensible. These candidates are part of the Doge party

The Beach Cafe lunch lady. Now I know what you are thinking, that there is a third candidate but poll results show that the BCLL is 10% more likely to win the election than the third candidate part of the Among us party (crewmate). Kids seem to really like the BCLL, although, for some reason, no one knows her name.

Garfield the janitor OKAY now I am literally not kidding poll results show this (should never have added the ‘other’ option) this is still actually not surprising Part of the Philosoraptor party

Dylan B. and Desire A. This is no surprise that they are in last place, because Dylan Black’s poster famously misspells Desiree’s name, spelling it Dessire (pronounced Desire) drastically changing their stance in the election and anyone that votes for them now only does it out of a joke to make their friends laugh* not part of any party, rookie mistake. Dylan Black created over 200 colored posters promoting himself and multiple T-shirts and stickers. We doubt this will change anything.

These were made before the election results were in, creating a really big surprise when we found out that the least liked, favored, and actually good* candidate won! Many people just shrugged it off and said it was because of the girls, however I think it is because of the corruption of MBMS.

Dylan Black, a favorite for girls, and a least favorite for anyone who isn't being rizzed up, has somehow convinced the entire girl population at MBMS to vote for him, roughly half the population at MBMS. This may seem like a plausible theory to the common eye, but we know better. Many girls do not even know who Dylan Black is, especially 6th and 8th grade girls. A lot of girls also do not care for him, and this would make his vote percentage roughly (or even less than) 1 ⁄ 6 of the school population. We doubt anyone cares for the election speeches, so that is out of the picture too. We have noticed that the area in which Dylan resides has a high population of people and a lot of passerbyers. The human brain seems to like things we are more familiar with, and since Dylan is well-known, it could have been. But if this was true, the BCLL would have easily taken the W because she is of care to so many people. Obviously, as we can see here, there is some sort of corruption going on at MBMS. Now in this article we are not just going to expose MBMS putting its thumb on the scale in this election, we are going to expose all of the fraudulency in MBMS. Firstly, why do you think that Dylan and Dessire (not an accident) won this election? I used my detective skill and put on my thinking cap (schizophrenia) and decided to interrogate some of the candidates. SUBNOTE (okay this part took a lot longer than I expected it because my thinking cap was slowing me down, so I took it off and just had good ol’ au(r)tism to keep me going.) I first interviewed Dessire and asked her for her opinion on Dylan Black, she responded with “He is a mother-@#$% I do not like him, that &%#$! doesn’t care about anyone but himself” (This interview was hard to land because she made fun of my thinking cap) as you can see she does not have a very high opinion of him, which begs us to wonder, did she really have a choice. I conducted a few background checks on Dylan Black, to see how he was able to get so much funding for his campaign. What I found flabbergasted me, he had not one official or unofficial sponsor but he was still able to spend massive amounts on printing, crayons and markers, etc… (my thinking cap got in the way again.) I found that Dylan got all his funding from anonymous donors, the same exact same donor every time. Now when you add it all up it makes sense. Dylan Black is working for Balltze! This shocked me because I, along with every citizen of Ohio watched Balltze get executed quite a lot of times. Now this got me wondering what happened to the rest of the evil Balltze society, EBS for short. It turns out that EBS was never abolished and has been working, trying to make a clone of Balltze. I looked up on google how to make a clone of yourself but no results showed up. So I proceeded to look it up on Bing and found that you need Uranium 234, and Dogecoin sustenance to activate the cloning machine. Now the Doge clan turned all the Uranium into Dogecoin by reversing the molecular particles, so there was no more Uranium 234 left. Well that is what I thought until I saw today's pizza crunchers. I pulled out my radiation detector and traced the radiation of the pizza crunchers to be uranium 234. I tried using it on the other lunch choices but no results, only pizza crunchers. This is not surprising since they are infamous for making you give birth to a naked mole rat 7 hours after eating them. So I found out that Dylan is now allowing the EBS to take the uranium 234 out of the pizza crunchers and turn it into a substance that is able to fuel the cloning machine.

But then I started to wonder, maybe the BCLL has something to do with this? And I was right. Wait-- no, she doesn't. It was my thinking cap again, my bad everyone. Though it may not be the BCLL directly involved, it may be the AM wave (AKA wave propaganda) it forces teachers to put on a show full of bad acting and editing mistakes, making it look like it was filmed with three bottles of whiskey, a loaner chromebook with a hole you can see through in the w,a,s, and d keys, and dumb middle schoolers. If you are not familiar with the AM wave it usually goes like this. Two kids on camera say their names, “Hello this is the AM Wave, I am Rubber Duckie, (other person) and my name is Michael Hawk. Please stand for the pledge of allegiance.” Then a picture of a flag appears for around 30 seconds and then disappears. Followed by the disappearance of the flag the two kids appear spouting nonsense for 3 minutes. Example, (imagine in an obnoxious tone) make sure you return your library books when they are due, and make sure not to vandalize the bathrooms, or do not play brawl stars in state testing, or do not steal Mrs Auday’s coffee candies. Sometimes they have an “informational video on things like don’t smoke, it’s not a joke. Or e-bike safety, where they have to tell kids for some reason not to have four kids on an e-bike popping wheelies into traffic. Then they proceed to say the names of the clubs, disregarding the trading card club since the third week of school. Keep in mind they laugh most of the time when saying it.

Example:

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Rubber Duckie: “The LGBTQ+ club will be meeting today in Mrs. Dreilings room,”

Michael Hawk: “Chuckle, Snort”

Rubber Duckie: “The Cubing club will meet today in room 218”

Michael Hawk: “Giggle, Snort”

Rubber Duckie: “ thank you for listening to this episode of the AM Wave”

(AM wave sign appears with dumb gen alpha music in background)

(They don’t realize the audio is still on)

Michael Hawk: “Who TF goes to the Cubing club, &$@%# nerds”

Rubber Duckie: “Hey want to play Brawl Stars during Ms. Auday’s class?”

Michael Hawk: “Yeah, I’m gonna El Primo all over your face.”

Rubber Duckie: “Shut up you dumb El Primo”

AM Wave Finally Ends

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As you can see, the AM wave is just MBMS dogma that tries to have kids listen to them. I know that we all think that the AM wave has no effect on the school but what if it does? Studies have shown that middle schoolers who experience the AM wave, who regard it as everyday life, get more entranced by stupid Gen Alpha music that always plays in the 30-second intros and outros. While nobody may realize it, the music hides some dark truths. We scanned the audio waves, and found out that it is used to plant messages into the student’s brains. This allows the school to control every kid that listens to that AM wave. This theory could explain the near impossible chance that anyone would vote for Dylan*, but it leaves out some possibilities, why would the school want Balltze to take over. My idea is that Garfield the janitor is involved! Oh wait, nope just my thinking cap. The audio is created by film students, is it not. This is probably where the EBS slips in and controls the film students with blackmail, probably like “put in terrible music or we will expose your search history”, or “put in dumb music or we will ban your Fortnite account”. These threats are why they allow the horrible music into the AM wave. This means that on that fateful day when the dumb gen alpha music played, most of the school brainwashed into voting for the worst candidate*. This is most likely why Dylan won the election, but is there anything we can do about it. Can we rise up against this tyrannical dictator, can we cause a rebellion and fight for our rights for a good candidate? In short, no, unless you want to get a Saturday school, meaning we're stuck with this usurper as the president of MBMS. We cannot fight the fraudulent impostors at MBMS that run underground organizations in order to take advantage of the students, but we can choose to not listen to a word that Dylan Black says.

Thank you for reading this article.

*I am a non-biased bystander who holds no opinion over any candidates. I am impartial and I do not take any sides over any other candidate.