Clyde Arnold
On April 26th, the Deanster Weekly decided to investigate the allegations against Markus Petrusis alleging that he had kidnapped a baby goose at the school. We interviewed Markus to hear the truth and this is what happened.
DW: “There are rumors spreading that you kidnapped a baby goose, Markus. Who has been spreading these rumors, and are they true?” M: “Okay, first of all, no, they are not true at all. Yes, I did have some interactions with the baby goose, but that was not in any form-there was no any form of contact or anything. Right? I gently corralled, guided it to its loving mother and dad”. DW: “So you don't have this goose anymore?” M: “No, I never gained custody of that goose. I never picked up said goose, or [rather], gosling…” DW: “So is this something you make a habit of, helping baby geese?” M: “No, there aren't very many baby geese. That baby goose that I helped fell off the roof, the parents made a bad choice where to put their nest, so that baby goose fell off the roof and was okay, but a little confused and needed to get back to their parents. So I was helping the guy back to his parents and got the little fluff ball that kept saying, ‘cheep cheep’, and falling over all adorably back to his loving parents”. DW: “So there are multiple reports of you picking up small animals such as turtles, and is this something you do a lot, not specifically just picking up a baby goose?” M: “Not specifically. Just I will sometimes pick up maybe a turtle, like my good friend Dino. (I stopped picking him up). The other incident that was referred to was when I attempted to get the lost turtle back to the pond that was up on the baseball field by Polygon”. DW: “So I understand that you're not exactly the maniac animal kidnapper that you're made out to be. You're just a bit of an animal philanthropist”. M: “I'm an animal whisperer, I'm chill. I'm chill with the animals, and the animals are chill with me”. DW: “All right, guys, well, you heard it here first. Markus?” M: “Don't believe what [censored] says, all right?”
Well, there it is, Markus's side of the story. We will keep you posted on the subject if anything else arises.
I need part two