The PRC
A local rock named Rhonda was taken by a mysterious force on the night of June 6th, 2023. Whereabouts of Rhonda have not been located yet. Associates at the Pepperoni Research Cult (PRC) have had a few leads on this unseen accident. Their first piece of evidence is that Rhonda left little rock grains where she disappeared. Could these be the remains of Rhonda? Experts say otherwise, claiming that it was just dust and debris. However, upon consumption, PRC officials quickly contracted irritable bowel syndrome. “We do not know what this means.” states lead investigator, P. P. Llama.
Their second lead to find Rhonda was the other rocks in the area. The PRC have found several rocks by Rhonda’s last seen point with increased stress levels and researchers are trying to decipher what these high levels mean. These rocks might have information like what took Rhonda or where she went. The budget from the PRC has been quickly declining because of their history of failed research, so they are only using a fifth of the best rock therapist in a 13.5 mile radius and every tick tock life hack there is. Our therapist is over level 56 in World of Warcraft and is the best one that can afford living in Cheese Palace. They also have the best healer in League of Legends and have 5000 trophies, so they clearly are very skilled. If you meet these requirements, join our therapist team. We definitely pay.*winks multiple times in a very sussy manner. Anyway, the rock therapist died of blood loss because it was a fifth of a therapist.
In conclusion, PRC and other rock officials heavily advise you to keep your rocks inside your homes. Rocks should be protected by a large, heavy blanket to reduce stress.
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