Origin of Doge vs. Cheems - Extended Version

Ron Al Danmann

This is the extended version of the origin story of Doge vs. Cheems. A more recognizable origin story is in The Weekly Meme-21st edition -

“It all started long, long ago when the doge clan went mining in Chad and found a whole lot 0of Uranium 234. But after that the Doge clan fought over all of the money splitting in half there became the Doge clan and the Cheems gang. The remaining battles over the uranium 234 were long and harsh. These battles were called WW 234, after the battles the first Doge clan Leader drove them all away. But the first Leader Doge was fatally wounded so he used all his power to seal all the wealth into a memecoin, the FIRST memecoin. The legendary Dogecoin. These texts were found inside an ancient book which was inside an ancient box, which was inside an ancient tomb of the first leader, which was inside an ancient mausoleum, which was underneath ancient dirt. Which was under the ancient city of Amsterdam, that last one was not ancient but as you can see we are on a roll.”

-Way back when, Doge and Cheems were happy together, as they were both respected meme dogs. Doge leader and Cheems leader met in a meeting around 230 years ago and declared peace amongst themselves. One day in the main village, Doge realized that the oil in their town was decreasing, so Doge and Cheems decided to go on a special mission to Chad to mine for oil. When they got there, they found a secluded and unclaimed area and started to mine. Instead of their predicted oil, they managed to find a whole lot of uranium 234. Now, uranium 234 is special because it is very rare, and it can give extreme wealth to anyone by just a tiny bit of it. We’re talking just one milligram is worth tens of thousands of dollars. What they found was close to 10 tons of uranium 234. Other than its rarity, uranium 234 is also a material that has special healing properties, and it can cure one disease which is the flu. So obviously, Doge and Cheems both wanted as much as possible, but due to their pact, they had to share it evenly amongst themselves. This angered Doge, and they got so mad that they broke their pact and turned back into the Doge and Cheems gangs. The leader of the newly-founded Doge gang decided to declare war on the Cheems gang, as they also had half of the profits. There was a long and harsh 4-year battle over control of all the uranium 234 called WW234, and we’re not going to go into that.

But in the final battle of WW234, the Battle of Goz Beida, Cheems attacked Doge with all their might and all their force that one Cheems actually got a shot on the Doge Leader. The Doge Leader was now fatally wounded, and he realized just how dumb this whole war was, and how it feels like to die. Due to the approximately 500,000 deaths caused in WW234, Doge Leader took all of the wealth from the uranium 234 and used some sacred rituals and sacred words in his dying breath to seal it all into the FIRST Dogecoin. He used all of his power doing this, killing him. All of the Doges were mourning at the loss of their leader, so Doge Leader’s scribe, Dogusus, wrote down the events of the war and placed it into his tomb, which was buried underground in the ancient dirt of Amsterdam. While the Doges were just moping around being depressed, Cheems came up with a sinister plan to steal Dogecoin.

This was the first one of their attempts to steal the Dogecoin, but by the time Cheems attacked, Doge had realized the potential worth of Dogecoin and kept it sealed in a vault in the Doge main building in Ohio. Cheems failed miserably, with almost 80,000 deaths compared to Doge’s 25. Over the next few decades, Cheems would continue to mercilessly attack the Dogecoin in hopes of obtaining it, but they were never successful. A few years after the first attack, one Doge follower and scientist, Erstoe Dogeius, had done some chemical experiments on the dogecoin, and was able to replicate it many times. He later found this to be way too expensive and time-consuming to make as a new currency, so he decided to join the trend of cryptocurrency. He was not very knowledgeable on the subject, so he called on the help of Billy Douugus and Jackson Dogenurs, who were both experts in the matter. And that was the start of the amazing Dogecoin we know today.