Ruckerverse Saga 5 - Confederacy Confrontation

Mr Rucker stared out the window into the valley below. He watched as people, animals, and vehicles clattered about. He watched as the grass flew with the breeze. He watched as Downtown LA, which was caught in flames from the explosion, crumbled into pieces in a beautiful, dancing array of orange light.

“What would you three like for lunch today?” He heard a feminine voice ask. He turned around to see that a waiter had approached them, holding a pad of paper and a ballpoint pen in her hands.

“I’ll take one of your breakfast burritos, just add some coal from the front of the train inside, makes it extra spicy.” Kobran requested. The waiter stared at him as if he was some eldritch god or something, but snapped out of her trance before turning to Chris Pratt, who was seated beside Mr Rucker.

“May I have the Ramen with Egg and Spinach please?” He asked.

“Sir, we only have breakfast items.” The waiter replied.

“Then I’m fine.”

The waiter looked at Mr Rucker.

“What would you like, sir?” 

“Can I have a bottle of edible deodorant please.” Mr Rucker replied. The waiter rubbed her forehead and yelled.

“We only have breakfast items!!!”

“Then I’m fine.”

The waiter stormed off with only one order, leaving the three in silence as they rode the train to Seattle. Seattle was where Amazon headquarters was located, and where they could find the next person to join their group: Jeff Bezos.

“Why do we need Jeff anyway?” Chris asked, breaking the silence. “What’s his power? Does he even have one?”

“Of course he does,” Kobran replied, “he can summon anything you can buy online from amazon or any other shipping company. He can give us supplies to break in, and stuff like katanas that would usually be worth hundreds of dollars.”

“Cool.”

When the train halted to a stop, the three walked off and looked off into the distance, where they saw the large city of Seattle. When they peered closer, they saw a tall building in the shape of the end of a conch shell. That was Amazon headquarters.

“Alright, does anyone have money? We need to get a cab.” Kobran asked.

“Why don’t we just fly there, why didn’t we just fly here instead of taking the train in the first place? Seems a little time consuming, don’t you think?” Rucker added.

“Yeah, maybe that was a better idea.” Chris said. They all leaped into the air, shooting off like rockets towards Seattle. 

They all crashed through the window next to each other on the top floor, where in front of them was a tall chair holding what they assumed was Jeff Bezos. Mr Rucker reached for the chair to turn it around, but Mr Kobran slapped his hand.

“Let him do a dramatic turn himself, dingus.” Kobran whispered.

The chair spun around to reveal a cackling Robert E Lee. The three of them gasped.

“It’s you!” Chris cried. “Who are you again I forgot.”

“That’s Robert E Lee,” Mr Rucker began, “the right hand man of the leader of the Confederate army in the Civil War.” Chris Pratt nodded.

“Yes, I am he, and I am going to trap you in this building!” Robert laughed, hitting a button of the chair’s armrest which dropped metal shutters around all of the windows.

“You realize we can break through metal, right?” Rucker said.

“Yes, but it’s more dramatic that way haha!”

Guards stormed in the room wearing black uniforms and carrying guns that aimed at them with green light. The three of them looked on in fear as the guards pressed the triggers, shooting tranquilizer darts into them, somehow putting them to sleep.

They woke up in a concrete cell with steel bars covered by glass on one side. Mr Rucker looked through the glass at Robert E Lee, who had a taller man standing next to him. Mr Rucker, his eyes still blurry, couldn’t tell who it was. The person turned to Robert E Lee and said something before they both walked away. Mr Rucker’s senses returned, and he tried to burst through the bars but ended up slamming his fist on the steel and cracking his knuckles. Chris Pratt awoke and looked around before realizing something…

“Hey Rucker?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“Where’s Mr Kobran?”

Meanwhile, Mr Kobran awoke, his arms and legs strapped to chains, forcing his body into a starfish pose. The door at the end of the hall opened up and Robert E Lee walked in. He could see a shadow behind Robert E Lee, but the bright light of the hallway connecting erased the visibility of the man’s features. Robert E Lee walked up to Mr Kobran and chuckled.

“Welcome back old man.” Lee said. “It’s been a while since you escaped. We’re happy to have you back at your true home. Your true… purpose…”

“What are you going to do to me!?” Mr Kobran yelled.

“Bro you’re an idiot.” Lee scoffed. “We’re going to keep you in this machine and force all the energy out of you. Just like we did before, you’re just a battery.”

Kobran tried to break out of the restraints, but he quickly realized he wasn’t strong enough, not anymore at least. Lee walked over to a lever and placed a glove on his hand. He smiled as he pulled the lever, zapping Kobran with thousands of bolts of energy. And, behind Kobran, a large machine powered up. Lots of Large machines.

Chris Pratt used alien tech from one of his movies to shoot an energy blast at the cage, melting it open. The two climbed through and looked around. They were in a long hallway. Each end of the hallway curved off into another behind them. 

Mr Rucker walked forward and noticed a map. The map was shaped like a triangle. Each pont formed into a smaller triangle, then forming a square with many rectangular rooms around the outside and a big room in the middle called the “Observatory.” They were in the enemy base.

“They must’ve taken Kobran into that observatory.” Mr Rucker suggested.

“How do we get in?” Chris asked. “Bro i-d-k, I just got here like you!” Mr Rucker yelped.

“Actually, you got here a few hours ago.” A voice called out. Mr Rucker and Kobran turned around. The figure stepped out of the darkness. It was Jefferson Davis.

“What do you want with us!?” Chris added.

“I want you dead. Care to see my new… creation.” He held up his arm, and something large and gooey rummaged down the hallway and halted right behind Jefferson Davis. It was a giant ball of flesh, arms, legs, heads, and guns sticking out on all sides like spikes on a porcupine.

“What the hell is wrong with you!?” Mr Rucker questioned.

“This, amalgamation is…well… an amalgamation of all of the dead soldiers in the Civil War. I was kind enough to help them reanimate. And they were kind enough to assist me in killing you two!” He yelled, swinging his arm down, sending a barrage of green spikes firing at Rucker and Pratt. Mr Rucker formed an energy shield and deflected the spikes, but realized the amalgamation was barreling for him.

“Rucker, we gotta run!” The two darted down the hall, barely getting past the corner as the amalgamation crashed into the wall, nearly crushing them. 

As they circled around the complex a few times, Mr Rucker noticed a giant industrial grade door that would presumably get them into the observatory. 

“Chris!” Mr Rucker yelled as they reached another corner.

“Yeah?”

“We need to get into that door to free Kobran!” He explained.

“IDIOTS!” Jefferson Davis yelled from the other hallway. They were cornered… in a corner. “You have nowhere to run.” 

Suddenly, a box crashed through the wall and smacked right into Jefferson Davis. Jeff grabbed the box off his face and looked into it. Then, a boxing glove sprung from it, launching him through the back wall. A figure stepped through the hole the box had made.

“Need your delivery the day you order it? Just buy with Amazon… and use the promo code MrBeast100 for 1000% off your next delivery.”

“Jeff Bezos!” Chris and Rucker yelled.

“Yeah, I saw you guys get captured at my establishment while I was out getting some groceries for my sick grandma. I beat up all the guys and took back by my giant amazon starship. Now everything is all and good.” Jeffery explained.

“Starship!?” Chris gasped.

“Yeah, you didn’t know my headquarters is above a giant amazon box shaped spaceship?”

“No…” Mr Rucker and Chris said in unison.

Suddenly, three more green spikes went flying at Bezos. He used a lego captain america shield lego set to block them. He launched the set box back at Jefferson, who had gotten up. He used a green sword to slice through the box and began running at Jeffery.

“Don’t worry pals, I can take him.” Bezos ordered.

“Wait!” Mr Rucker exclaimed. “We need a grenade to blast open that door!”

“Good thing I have access to the black market, here ya go, it’s still in use!” Bezos said, tossing Mr Rucker a grenade. Mr Rucker and Chris ran towards the blast door and jumped over the amalgamation who was sitting there patiently for a treat. Mr Rucker opened the grenade and threw it at the door.

They burst in, finding Mr Kobran strapped to a machine that was draining power to something in the darkness. Robert E Lee spun around, shocked that they had escaped.

“The jig is up, Lee, give us back Kobran! Your boss is about to get defeated by Jeffery Be-”. Mr Rucker began, but suddenly Jeff Bezos went flying through the wall, barely conscious.

Jefferson Davis stepped in, holding a green ax in his left hand and a group of spikes collected on his right arm, ready to attack.

“No, I believe it’s the end for you.” Lee pressed a button on his dashboard, causing bright blue lights to switch on from the darkness.

Robert E Lee had created thousands of Blimp-Spiders, and they had finally gotten a power source. And, they were remote controlled.

“I have created thousands of Blimp-Spiders, and they have finally gotten a power source. And, they’re remote controlled!” He yelled, hitting another button.

“Huh… that’s what I was thinking, like word for word…” Mr Rucker said before one of the robots flew over and grabbed him. He tried to blast out, but quickly remembered they restricted his movement.

“YOU KNOW WHAT’S ALSO REMOTE CONTROLLED?” Jeff Bezos yelled, getting up.

Everyone gasped.

“My giant amazon box-shaped STARSHIP!” He pressed a button on his watch, sending a laser beam right through the roof. A few seconds later, mini amazon box drones burst through and set Mr Rucker free. They then went for the blimp spider, but Lee activated them and they fought back.

Mr Rucker ran over and knocked over Lee before powering off the machine and blasting off the cuffs holding Kobran. Kobran was unconscious by now, so Rucker threw him over his shoulder and turned back to Chris.

“We need to go, NOW!” Chris nodded and helped Bezos up, and the four of them flew off. Suddenly, something slimy grabbed Rucker’s leg, jolting him back and causing him to drop Mr Kobran where he landed in the Base parking lot. The guards in the parking lot realized what was happening and rushed over, grabbing Mr Kobran and began darting towards the entrance.

Mr Rucker looked back, seeing that the fleshy ball had become a giant arm holding him back. Jefferson Davis climbed onto the arm and pulled out his weapons again.

“Why not have both you and Kobran as power sources! I mean, Kobran probably won’t last much longer anyway. We need a backup.” He said, commanding the arm to retract, beginning to pull Rucker back through the hole in the roof.

“CHRIS! JEFF! HEEELP!” Mr Rucker cried. Chris turned around, but Jeff continued towards his starship in the sky. Chris held out his hand, but decided to turn back for Mr Rucker. He leaped off his pterodactyl and landed on the arm. He pulled out an alien bomb and threw it at Davis. The bomb exploded before Davis could react, severing the arm in half and sending Davis back into the building. 

Suddenly, the blimp-bots burst out of the roof of the observatory like a swarm of bees. They spread into the air, but some stayed back and aimed for Chris and Rucker.

“You go protect Kobran,” Chris began, hopping back onto his pterodactyl, “I’ll hold these guys off.” Mr Rucker nodded and flew back down. He landed in front of the guards and used a sonic blast to knock them to the ground. He grabbed Kobran and tried to fly off, but a mechanical arm swung down, smacking him to the ground and pushing Kobran out of his grasp. He tried to break out, but he was under the leg of a giant Blimp-bot. It was the same one that had attacked him in the last episode--- piloted by Robert E Lee.

Lee looked out of the shattered glass and cackled.

“You thought you could get away? NO! My research must continue! We will continue slavery! I just need your friend.” The other mechanical arm, which had been fixed, reached down and picked up Mr Kobran. “Like I always say, the more the merrier!”

The Blimp-Bot rose into the air and climbed onto the observatory roof and sent a stairwell out of the glass that landed on the floor. 

However, before the mechanical arms could place Rucker and Kobran back down in the lab, A laser cut the stairwell in half, nearly missing Lee. Lee looked up to see the giant Amazon Box-shaped starship hovering above, its blue tractor beam shining down on them. Bezos leaped from the hole in the ship and landed in front of Lee.

“Oh, so it’s a duel you want?” Lee snarled.

“Nah, I just want you to take a seat!” Bezos grabbed an amazon box which opened to reveal a display toilet, and he threw it at Lee. Lee tried to get out of the way, but the toilet landed on him, transporting him to another dimension before it shattered from the impact on the ground.

Jeff released Rucker and Kobran, and they all flew up to the amazon box-shaped starship to meet up with Pratt. 

“Hey! Lookie at all these colorful buttons!” Chris giggled. “I’m gonna press ‘em!” Chris pressed a big red button that shot them up into the atmosphere, but the red shield over the earth blocked them from exiting. Now they could see all of the upper equator. 

“Jeff, let me explain.” Rucker said. “We need your help to stop all of the confederates and Jefferson Davis from placing slavery as a permanent thing. We need to break through this barrier and get to space.”

“Hmm… I see. Sadly, my tech won’t be enough to break this barrier. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“Well we think we can destroy the main Confederate Base where they’re holding the power for the sheild. We just can’t get in.” Rucker continued.

“Yeah. I’ll do it. I’m fed up with this shitakimushrooms.” Jeff pressed a button on his dashboard, which set a course for the Atlantic Ocean.

Opening his eyes, Robert E Lee sat up. He looked around, seeing that the display toilet had transported him into an endless space filled with shelves of housing supplies and other display items and rooms. He stood up and held up his arm to blast through the roof, but when trying to use his powers, he realized they didn’t work. 

He looked down at his hand, but out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a staff member passing by the aisle he was in.

“Hey, YOU!” He called out. The staff member stopped and turned to him. Suddenly, he realized the staff member had no hair or face, his skin was white as parchment paper, and his right arm, which had previously been hidden, was twice as buff as the last. 

The staff member suddenly darted towards Robert, tackling him to the ground as other staff members joined in on the dog pile as they all continuously blurted out in unison, “The store is closed, please exit the building.”

Robert E Lee’s screams were eventually drowned out and muffled by the groaning staff members and the large pile of them that grew by the second.