They had reached their destination. The amazon box-shaped starship halted to a stop above the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
“Why are we in the middle of nowhere?” Chris Pratt asked.
“When the rebels fought back thousands of years ago, Kobran was helped by the Blobfish, rulers of the ocean. They control any and every living thing under the ocean depths. We need their help to fight off the Blimp-bots and Davis.” Rucker explained.
The ship’s circular drop point opened up, shining a blue light down into the murky depths of the deep ocean.
“Here,” Bezos said, “you can use our water-suits. I got these off the dark web. You can use them to get into the bottom of the ocean. These things protect you from the pressure and should be strong enough to hold off shark bites and octopus tentacles.”
“Thanks.” Rucker said. “Keep an eye on Kobran for us, Bezos.”
“Sure thing. And… good luck.”
A few hours later, Mr Rucker and Chris Pratt had reached the king of the Blobfish, Bob Fisher, who sat upon a throne made of gold and spiked with tridents.
“Hey, ruler of the blobfish-” Mr Rucker began.
“WE ARE NOT BLOBFISH!” Bob bellowed. “We are actually Psychrolutes marcidus, the term blob fish is pretty rude to us.”
“Sorry, Bob the blob, but we need help defeating the Confederates and stopping slavery!” Chris explained.
“First of all, you still called me a blob,” Bob scoffed, “and second, we blobfish will not dare to meddle in your idiotic affairs above the waves. Slavery is dumb, why can’t you just like… hug it out or something dumb you humans do?”
“Pardon me, sir, but we are not strong enough to defeat this threat on our own, and I believe ‘just hugging it out’ won’t help. These are humans, they’re vile and selfish.” Rucker added.
“That’s true, but I still refuse to help. My army will stay here and that is final.” Bob said.
“So, how’d it go?” Bezos asked when Chris and Rucker returned to the ship.
“Badly, Bob the blob won’t lend us his army. We have to do this on our own.” Chris said.
“Oh, I’m sorry, but at least we have enough time. We can get the other rulers from around the world, right?” Suddenly, a giant red laser blasted into the sky from the middle of New York. It began to amplify the shield, shrinking it in size yet thickening the shield itself.
“I’m afraid we don’t have time, Bezos. It’s now or never.” Rucker said. Bezos nodded, and turned the ship around, setting the course for New York City.
The ship shot into place above New York city, just a few miles away from the giant laser.
“What!?” Mr Rucker yelled. “Why are we stopping here? We need to get closer!”
“This amazon box-shaped starship is my BABY, I don’t know what’ll happen if I get it closer to that laser.” Bezos explained.
“Fine, I guess we’re going on foot.” Chris sighed.
“What about Kobran?” Bezos asked.
“He’s still unconscious, we have to leave him here until we’re done. We may be down a member but I still believe in us.” Rucker smirked. They all held hands and jumped out of the dropbox, Mr Rucker blasting towards the base and carrying the others.
Davis walked outside of their base and peered up into the sky, watching the dancing light emanating from the laser.
“Davis!” One of the guards yelled, running up to him.
“Yes?”
“The laser is shrinking the shield… it’ll crush us inside, sir!”
“I know,” Davis replied, “we just have to stop it once it touches the tallest building in the world. If I want slavery to continue, we need to trap people on this planet forever, and closely to it as well.” He explained.
Suddenly, Rucker Bezos and Pratt landed behind Davis.
“You! Shut off the shield or we’ll have to force you to do it!” Pratt ordered.
“No, I don’t think I will.” He snapped, and the amalgamation of dead soldiers leapt from the roof of the base, now tripled in size. It landed right in front of Davis.
The group looked up in terror as the large creature grew three school bus-sized eyes which stared them down. Jeff spun around, throwing three spikes that aimed for each of them. Rucker reached out, forming an energy shield to block them. He then sent the shield right back at Davis. However, Davis caught it in his right hand and threw it into the air. The amalgamation grew a mouth that quickly swallowed the energy shield. This power grew him slightly larger.
“Feast, Princess.” Davis said. The amalgamation howled, growing a giant fist that slammed into the ground. Everyone jumped out of the way as it created a shockwave that shook the area.
“How do we fight this thing?” Chris cried.
“Just the way you fight a balloon, you pop it.” Rucker replied, shooting an energy blast straight at the creature’s eye, but it closed its eye before the laser could strike it. It then swung its arm around, but Rucker used another energy shield to block the power of the attack.
Bezos took out a katana and sliced off the arm, setting Rucker free from holding it back, and the three leaped onto different parts of the monster.
Soon, Mr Rucker realized the flesh was too gooey to get through without a lot of strength, and he looked up to ask his friends for help. They weren’t there. He farther up where he saw one of the blim-bots holding Chris, and another next to it holding Bezos.
“I told you, you can’t defeat me. Slavery will never end.” Davis said, flying behind Rucker. He pulled out a green energy sword and threw it at Rucker. But, Rucker had a plan.
Mr Rucker jumped out of the way, and the sword slabbed right into the middle of the amalgamation. It convulsed for a few seconds before exploding into a gooey mess.
Davis was shocked. His princess was dead, and he was furious. He ordered all of the Blimp-Bots still in action to swarm around Rucker. They obliged, and slammed Rucker into the ground. With hundreds of them piling on top, Rucker wasn’t powerful enough to escape, especially because of their power-dampening technology.
“HELP!” Mr Rucker cried. No response.
Mr Rucker waited for what felt like hours as the pain continued, more robots piling on and placing more weight onto him. This was the end.
Suddenly, all of the weight was flung off as something exploded all of the Blimp-Bots, except for the two holding Chris and Bezos.
The zooming light that had saved Rucker… was Mr Kobran.
“Kobran! You’re awake!” Mr Rucker yelped, crying happy tears. He launched up and the two hugged in the air.
“No, no, no, NO!” Jefferson screamed. He fired all of the energy weapons he could think of at the two, but they blasted them all away with energy. Some of the weapons flew into the two remaining Blimp-Bots, freeing Jeff and Pratt.
Jefferson snarled. He grabbed one more giant green hammer and blasted towards Rucker. He swung it, knocking Kobran to the left and Rucker straight down. Mr Rucker, now in a crater, tried to get up, but another mechanical claw came crashing down on him.
The claw picked him up, and he saw Lee. Lee was still alive, and in this dimension. His hair and clothes were ragged and cut, he had bruises and blood all over his face, it looked like the dimension he had gone to had got him good.
“Did ya miss me, Rucker?” Lee laughed.
“You! How did you get back?” Rucker asked.
“You guys sent me to some weird warehouse, and these white karens attacked me… but then I realized I could just go through the roof! Pretty simple if you ask me. And thankfully, the Ikea I was trapped in was right near the other base where my Blimp-Bot was still being held.”
Jefferson flew next to Robert and congratulated him. Then they looked at Rucker.
“I guess you’re too much of a threat to be used as a battery… we can find another replacement.” The claw began to crush Rucker.
Suddenly, something cut off the arm holding Rucker.
“No! Not again!” Lee shouted as Rucker flew away from the arm before it crashed onto the ground.
Mr Rucker looked up. Standing atop the Blimp-Bot was Bob Fisher.
“Bob?” Rucker asked.
“My name is Bob the Psychrolutes marcidus… and you have sinned.” Bob threw up a trident which sprung out of his mouth, stabbing into the blimp and popping it, causing the entire thing to fall and explode on impact with the ground.
Lee’s charred corpse slided out of the debris, black as ash before it dusted away.
“Lee!” Davis weeped. “Not my slavery buddy!”
“Eh,” Mr Rucker said, “I like Bob the blob more.”
“I shouldn’t have helped you.” Bob sighed.
Jefferson shot up and pulled out the hammer in one hand, and a spike in the other.
“I never liked fish, but at least I still have my giant laser shield… there’ll be no stopping me hahaha!” He laughed.
Then, the giant laser shut off, and the shield around the earth began to crack. Pieces began to rain down onto earth, destroying anything below them.
“Rucker!” Bezos yelled after exiting the building. “We shut off the barrier! You have to get up there and fix the timeline!”
Mr Rucker looked up, seeing a distant quasar convulsing.
“But what about you guys?”
“We’ll die in this timeline, but if you reset it we’ll be fine.” Chris added.
“But then you’ll forget me… everything won’t be worth it!”
“No, as long as slavery is gone, it’s fixed. Now go!” Bezos commanded.
Jefferson conjured up all of his power and held out his hand, about to fire a giant blast at Rucker. However, Bob Fisher jumped on Jefferson, diverting the blast and using it to shatter the shield piece above them.
“We’ll hold this dude off.” Bob added.
“Rucker, good luck.” Kobran smirked.
Mr Rucker nodded, and blasted up into the sky, headed for the distant quasar…
…It took time to convince people, but soon, Rucker and Lincoln had enough people to stand a chance against Mr. Kobrin. They just needed artillery and weapons, as they knew it would help. Rucker arrived at the White House to meet up with Lincoln before their storm on Kobrin. They met up and Lincoln walked to the balcony to watch the troops prepare. Suddenly, he spun around and shot his hand at Mr Rucker, trapping him in its grasp.
Mr Rucker was trapped. Abraham Lincoln laughed, but he was suddenly pulled away and thrown onto the floor. It was Mr Rucker. Another one. The one from the present.
“Who are you?” Past Mr Rucker asked.
“Idiot, I’m you… but from the future.” Future. Mr Rucker explained. “I’ll call you Mr Rucker2, so no one gets confused.” He continued.
Suddenly, Mr Rucker was stabbed in the chest by a green sword. He was thrown to the side revealing Jefferson Davis.
“HAH! You thought I wouldn’t know where to look? Well, here I am…” He aimed his sword back towards Mr Rucker2. Mr Rucker rammed into Davis, nearly knocking him over, but Davis pushed him off. Then, Rucker2 leaped onto Davis and began gnawing into his shoulder like a feral animal.
“Get off me, psycho!” Davis yelped.
Mr Rucker lifted up his leg and kicked Jefferson Davis hard, where he ended up knocking both Davis and Mr Rucker2 out the window. Abraham Lincoln watched in horror as Mr Rucker jumped out, landing on the ground with a thump in the Family Guy dead pose. He sprung up and realized that Jefferson Davis was holding Mr Rucker2 by the neck, his glowing and pulsating hand reaching out for Rucker2’s head.
“Mr Rucker, despite knowing everything that happened in the past, you truly are oblivious. If I can’t fight you, I’ll have to exterminate your past self. We can watch together as you fade away into dust!” Davis laughed, his hand charging up with thousands of energy particles. He pulled his hand back, but before he could strike, he was knocked out of the way by a mysterious figure. As the dust cleared, Mr Rucker realized it was Kobran.
“Kobran!” Mr Rucker yelped. He went over and hugged Kobran.
Suddenly, Jefferson Davis stood back up and fired a laser at the two of them. Mr Rucker pushed off Kobran, knocking them both out of the way. Mr Kobran retaliated quickly, kicking Davis’s hand away allowing Mr Rucker to come in and give him a slap across the face. The three fought for a bit, and Mr Rucker2 decided to head back up to Abraham Lincoln.
“What is happening!?” Lincoln shouted.
“I don’t know, but we have to get out of here if we want to stop Kobran.”
“About that…” Lincoln remarked. Suddenly, his hat fell off and a giant arm sprouted from his head, flattening Mr Rucker2.
Mr Rucker and Kobran knocked Davis to the ground, where he surrendered. Mr Rucker held out a glowing fist, ready to evaporate Davis from reality.
“We have you cornered.” Mr Kobran said. “There’s nowhere to run.”
Jefferson Davis laughed like a maniac. “YOU FOOLS!!!” He yelled. “You forgot about why you came here in the first place! Abraham Lincoln is about to be killed by his vice president Hamlin, and you’re too late…”
The two gasped and immediately flew off towards the building Lincoln was in.
“And so I thought,” Lincoln began, “why not just kill you too! I deserve the power of a god, not you! I have done SO much to help these people, who I thought were real, and I get to die in a booth watching a stage play! That’s not happening.”
Suddenly, the door burst open behind them and Hamlin appeared with a gun in hand. He pressed the trigger, but a blast of light shot through the window, destroying the bullet before it could hit Abraham Lincoln.
Mr Rucker stepped through and put a force field created by light over the door, blocking Hamlin from getting back in.
“Lincoln…” He started. “I didn’t have time to write some big speech, so can you just give up and let this Mr Rucker go? Let him use your army to fight against Mr Kobran.”
“Eh, I can understand the fact that you can’t write a speech right now so honestly sure.” Lincoln agreed, lifting his arm and letting Mr Rucker2 go. “Here, let’s get to stopping this guy.” Mr Rucker2 and Mr Rucker shook hands before walking out of the room and breaking the force field. Mr Rucker watched and smiled.
Suddenly, Jefferson Davis burst into the room and held out his arm, ready to blast Mr Rucker and Kobran into pieces, when his arm dusted away. He screamed in agony and clutched what was left of his arm before it disappeared. He reached out towards the two of them with his other hand.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!” He cried. “I can’t go… I can’t! I need to keep slav--” His mouth dusted away, and so did the rest of his body. The dust evaporated as well.
Mr Rucker turned back to Kobran and realized Kobran was dusting away as well.
“Jedidiah,” he said calmly, “I have done a lot of bad things in my life. I felt angry, I was greedy. And for once I was able to do something good. It’s been… quite a while. Thank you for helping me become a better person.” The two embraced and Mr Kobran finally turned to dust and floated away.
Five Months later…
Mr Rucker grabbed a bowl, a cereal box, and some milk and placed them together. He opened the utensil drawer and pulled out a spoon before resting on the couch. He flicked on the TV and the news came on.
“Welcome to another day of sunny, cloudless blue skies, and no reports of kidnapping! People are now calling it people-napping! I mean, many people seem to just be disappearing next to sewer drains, but at least that’s better than just the kids. We can now deal with overpopulation yay!” A news reporter said.
Mr Rucker looked out the window and smiled. He missed Mr Kobran, but at least he knew his arch nemesis was truly good at heart. It was bad that the planet wouldn’t know of his sacrifice to save them.
PS: I mean they didn’t really know Kobran was a god either but whatever…
Beff Jazos