Skinwalker Cafeteria Food

A skinwalker is a being with little known about them that was first discovered by the Navajo Native American people. They have the ability to morph their body and possess anything. We at the Pepperoni Research Cult (PRC) have broken into the school cafeteria during summer without a warrant to report on the poisonous food of the cafeteria. Our team has come to the conclusion that the school cafeteria food was made by skinwalkers. First of all, thank all cafeteria staff for working so hard to provide school food. However, the staff was enslaved by the skinwalkers. The workers that you have seen outside manning booths and such are the skinwalkers. The real staff are underground. The skinwalkers have a complicated plan that is hard to decipher, but it seems that they are building a giant meat dragon and cooking slightly infected edible material. Our team has broken their findings into 3 different reports. If you don’t care about the little details, skip to #3. (By the way, our organization got funding for our research, but we spent it on lotto cards)

#1 Meat Dragon Cult

Yes, the rumors were true; there is an underground cult deep below the school campus. Unfortunately, it is much more than some beliefs. As we descended into the deep, dark, underground bunkers of the skinwalkers’ creation, we noticed that bones lined the walls, the floors and everything. We don’t know who the bones belonged to, but they were pretty cool. Each room was themed. There was a room full of bones, one full of food, one with a lot of knives, one with a kitchen, a room with freezers full of human flesh and a room that held blueprints written in an unknown language. Sure, the blueprints were of a giant dragon that was presumably made with the meat in the freezers, but the scariest thing our researchers found was that the Skinwalkers held access to the infamous Samsung Smart Microwave. We also did a DNA test on a handful of bones and meat clumps and it turns out they belonged to many people of different ages but with similar features.

#2 The Real Cafeteria Workers (Not the Skinwalkers)

In the kitchen, cafeteria workers have most likely been chained up, forced to cook. Thank the Church that nobody was there, because those chains lying on the floors were still very functional. Our expert PRC spelunkers found that out the hard way. In a cabinet in the kitchen, there was a pepper mill full of rotting, squishy thingy stuff and unlabeled boxes of horse meat lined the perimeter. A little tip: Don’t eat the chicken at MBMS. Written in… red paint, … there seemed to be a schedule for the food served. Workers may also have aided in the blueprints and other things as on a couple of blueprints, there were blacked-out things that we could not find out the origin of. We don’t know where the skinwalkers got those Sharpies. Anyways, we found the word “SKINWALKER” stealthily written on one of the blueprints, which tied our theories together.

#3 Our Theory

When the skinwalkers found MBMS, they saw the fresh meat of the small children and were intrigued. Construction began when a skinwalker drilled a hole into the bushes of Polliwog Park, presumably at night. An extensive mining operation went from ~2015 to 2022. When fall began and the children flooded back into school, almost all kitchen stuff was somehow moved to the brand new catacombs of the skinwalkers. One singular family was targeted first. The child was taken, then the sibling, then the parents and so on. There were also a couple of cafeteria workers (Probably revolted against skinwalkers). Every meal had a small sprinkling of rotting thingy stuff, which likely began rotting over the summer. We have two theories on what it is. The first one was that this rotting mix put a negative effect on the childrens’ health, weakening them. The second theory is that this rotting mix is a magical mix that has some sort of spiritual effect on consumers. The flesh from the family and the naughty workers was being used to put together some giant meat dragon, but production halted during summer. This meat dragon will open its eyes on a first quarter moon when human beings are present and do the Church knows what. We are attempting to build the dragon so that the whole PRC can get a basic understanding of what it will be like. We expect that we will finish sometime during June 26th, 2023.

“It was honestly terrifying. I felt a shiver go down my spine as soon as we crossed the threshold into the catacombs of the skinwalkers.”

-Assistant head investigator, Pepperoni Capybara, as stated during an interview.

“We are trying to locate [the skinwalkers], but we have little to lead on where they skedaddled off to. Lock your doors and shut your windows tonight, because you never know what could happen.”

-CEO of the PRC, Pepperoni Llama, at a public service announcement

“I peed my pants”

-Intern Gustavo on his letter of resignation