*Click*
With a slight jolt, the television flickered to life. Monotone static washed over the screen as quickly as it was zapped away moments later.
“Today’s weather forecast calls for red skies, meteor showers, and just a hint of kidnapping. Don’t forget to watch your kids, people! You have no idea when a homeless person might take them and put them into slavery! How’s it going over there in London, Shel--”
Mr Rucker shut off the TV and planted his face in his pillow. He just wanted to scream. Now that he had left MBMS, he had no way of gaining money. He remembered the eviction notice placed on his shabby apartment door that morning, the absence of Cheerios in his cabinet, and how he had lost Charlie. He NEEDED to get back to MBMS… to be able to teach History and educate kids on the fact that Tug-of-War was once an olympic sport!
In one single burst, Mr Rucker screamed in rage. After a second Mr Rucker remembered his powers and realized he had blown off his apartment’s roof… He scoffed in disgust before flying off into the night sky.
He flew around Manhattan Beach for a while, before deciding to fly to Paris. He grabbed the Eiffel Tower and took it back home, tearing off a few long sheets of metal and using it to build a new roof for his apartment. It wasn’t pretty, but when it began to rain, it worked.
In the morning, he watched from the school roof as students flooded into the front gates. A small tear silently dripped down his face as he came to the cold realization that the next group of students wouldn’t be able to be taught by him.
Suddenly, his trusty Rucky-sense alerted him to something coming in the air. His eyes jolted upward, where his face turned white, seeing a nuke flying towards the school straight at him.
Acting quickly, he shot up towards the nuke, grabbing it and spinning in circles before launching it into the atmosphere. He watched as it blew up in the sky in a large array of beautiful… smoke? Idk…
He quickly looked around for the sender of the nuke, noticing an old fashioned blimp sporting four robotic spider legs walking towards him. It was the size of a tall skyscraper, and its claws looked like they could crush him even though they were pointed.
The blimp sent out four smaller yet faster missiles straight for him. He sprung off the building roof and reached out for the first missile. He grabbed it with his bare hands and threw it towards another one, causing them both to explode. He grabbed the third one and kicked it straight down, where it landed on the newly built Music Building.
He could faintly hear a man cry out “NOOOO! We just built that!”
Mr Rucker grabbed the last missile and spun it backwards, sending it flying towards the blimp. He watched as it cut through the air before the blimp used one of its arms to catch it. It crushed the missile between its three pointed fingers and began charging towards Mr Rucker.
When the fight ensued, Mr Rucker expected to take it out easily, but it caught him in its claws and began to squeeze. Mr Rucker used all of his power to try and escape but it was no use. Mr Rucker looked at the blimp and at the cockpit, where he saw someone who looked quite familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on it because his finger was being crushed.
Suddenly, something whizzed past him before swinging back around, its speed causing it to slice right through the robot blimp’s mechanical arm. Now that the arm was detached, its hand opened, allowing Mr Rucker to fly off before he landed on the ground. He watched as the red light zoomed around the blimp for a little before stopping to watch as the blimp fell into hundreds of pieces and exploded upon hitting the ground.
Mr Rucker got a little closer to the red glowing object. The figure turned its head to look at him, and Mr Rucker made a terrifying realization. The figure was Mr Kobran…
Arriving at a mountain, Mr Kobran clapped his hands, causing a mechanical doorway to open in the middle of the mountainside. The two flew in and landed on a metal grate overlooking a large pool of red glowing liquid. Now that he was out of the view of the outside world, Mr Kobran transformed into his true vampire form.
Recognizing his looks, Mr Rucker said “You’re the guy from fortnite!”
“Indeed I am,” Mr Kobran replied, “some weirdos saw me flying around and decided to make a fortnite skin off of me.”
“You look really cool!” Mr Rucker said. “But… How are you alive? Charlie stabbed you in the head…” Mr Rucker continued, puzzled at what he was seeing.
Clearing his throat, Mr Kobran began to explain. “I am not the Kobran from your timeline, you see, I have been created from this new one you created.”
“I don’t understand…”
“When Abraham Lincoln was killed, this started a corruption that changed our world into a world where the Confederates won in World War 1. Haven’t you noticed everything that has changed here?”
Mr Rucker thought for a moment… about the red sky, the explosions, the blimp, the kidnapping of kids that were put into slavery…
“No.” He replied.
“Well you surely are oblivious…” Kobran scoffed.
“HEY!”
“Anyway,” he continued, “Because of all of this happening, I managed to avoid my fate where I would be… stabbed… by your friend.”
“Well, we can undo this, right?” Mr Rucker asked.
“No, not right now. The Confederates built a forcefield around the planet that prevents anything from coming in, or more importantly for our sake, coming out.”
Mr Rucker sighed and looked out the window, realizing why the sky was so red-- it was because the forcefield around the planet was made out of a transparent red shield.
“However, I have a plan, but we need more people.”
“What’s your idea?” Mr Rucker questioned.
“If we find out where the power for the force field is, we can shut it off and use some quasar or exploding star to travel back in time and stop Vice President Hamlin from killing Lincoln. Then everything will go back to normal.”
“But, what about you? If we put everything back to normal, you’ll die… or be dead I guess…” Mr Rucker added.
“I was tortured and used as a battery by the Confederates and I lost most of my power. In that time I realized something! I realized that I was an evil person… an evil force that people were afraid of… even you, my greatest creation, you were afraid of me.” Kobran admitted. Mr Rucker looked at him in awe, and Kobran turned his head so Mr Rucker couldn’t see his embarrassed face.
“Look, Kobran, I’m glad you’ve changed. I just want to say--” Mr Rucker began. Mr Kobran morphed into his human form with a suit and a briefcase and stared at Mr Rucker.
“You and I can't do this alone. We need the other gods of this planet.”
“Wait,” Mr Rucker said, “I thought the only ones left were me and the blobfish!”
“No. There’s a lot more. And we need to get all of them together, it’s the only way we can stand a fighting chance.” Mr Kobran smiled. “Now, have you ever been to Hollywood?”
On their way through the crowded streets of Hollywood in a run down Taxi, Mr Rucker finally asked the question he’d been wondering the entire day.
“So, why is there another person here in America who is able to control people? I thought America was my domain!”
“Silly Rucker, that was just something I told you to make you feel more powerful over the people than you are now.” Kobran was fidgeting with a pen when he abruptly yelled. “This is our stop!” He tossed a bag of money into the driver’s lap and they took off.
A policeman passed by them and asked, “Have you seen a guy with a big bag of money?”
“He’s in that taxi on the left.” Mr Kobran replied. They continued walking, and Mr Rucker began to wonder why Kobran was so chaotic, getting a random taxi driver arrested for no reason and nearly causing the world to explode multiple times. Mr Rucker truly began to question if Kobran had really changed.
They walked down a long hallway in one of the film studios, the halls splattered with doors on either side adorned with stars and the name of the actor who stayed in that respective room. Down at the end of the hallway was one final door. It stood out to the rest with a golden light illuminating the nametag and star. In the middle of the star, it said “Chris Pratt.”
Kobran lightly knocked on the door and it opened, where a young, handsome man peeked through a crack in the doorway wearing a My Little Pony robe and holding a steaming coffee.
“Mr. Kobran! Nice to see you again, dude!” The man, who Mr Rucker now knew was Chris Pratt, exclaimed.
“Hello, Salutations, Greetings, whatever.” Kobran said sarcastically. “Chris, we have come on urgent business.”
“What do you mean?” Chris asked.
After Chris Pratt was caught up, the three of them walked out of the studio and into the streets of Hollywood.
“Sooo, when were you created?” Mr Rucker asked.
“About 127 years ago. I invented movies, ya know.”
“So you’re still pretty young. Can you even control anything or just influence it?”
Suddenly, a group of people crowded around them, screaming Chris Pratt’s name. Some of them pushed through the crowd and began to lunge toward Chris, but he held up his hand and all of their eyes turned yellow and they stood completely upright.
“I control the entire Hollywood industry, actually.” Chris Pratt finally replied.
They hopped in a cab and Mr Kobran instructed the driver to head to the Walt Disney Concert hall before closing the window and sitting back down.
“So…” Chris began, “who are we getting next?”
“She’s kinda on her own, and I never really forced her to follow me like I did with you guys, but I know that she’ll help.” Mr Kobran answered.
They could hear the music from a mile away. Sometimes depressing, sometimes exhilarating pop music that always talked about losing a boyfriend or something along those lines. They parked at the entrance and barged in. They watched the show for a few hours before the intermission began, where they headed backstage. Chris Pratt took care of security, as he could control them.
Mr Rucker and Mr Kobran headed to the backroom and opened the door. Inside was one blond woman drinking some gatorade.
“Taylor!” Mr Kobran said, worried. Taylor lunged forward and slapped him across the face. She then turned around and sat back down.
“Taylor Swift is one of us!?” Mr Rucker shouted.
“Yeah,” Mr Kobran said, “she controls all of her ‘swifties,’ as they’re called.”
“You’re damn right!” Taylor added. She drank more of the gatorade before finishing it and tossing it into a small trash can across the room filled with empty gatorade bottles.
“Anyway, let me get to the point. We need your help to stop slavery!”
Taylor threw a bottle of gatorade at Mr Kobran.
“Look, I ain’t helping you after you HUMILIATED ME!” She screamed. “I can’t believe you came back here, unannounced and expected me to help you!”
“Taylor, you can’t be thinking just about yourself. We all need to work together and help the humans! The Confederate army will just keep getting more and more powerful to the point none of us, even together, will stand a chance!”
Taylor began to laugh, a pink glow illuminating her body.
“I don’t… care. I…DON’T CARE!” She yelled, shooting forward and taking Mr Kobran through the open door and onto the stage. Mr Rucker ran onto the stage and tackled Taylor Swift, holding her on the ground while Mr Kobran approached. Suddenly, he noticed Taylor’s finger flick up, and he tried to warn Mr Rucker, but it was too late and thousands of swifties from the crowd ran onto the stage and piled on Mr Rucker. He used his energy to blast all of them off, and he flew over to Mr Kobran.
Taylor Swift crawled out of the pile of unconscious people on all fours, her hair messed up and jagged. She let out a demonic howl before charging at the two of them. They jumped over her and Mr Rucker grabbed her leg, throwing her into the stands.
On impact, she squashed many seats and some of the concrete steps. After regaining her focus, she screamed again and hopped over to them, grabbing Mr Rucker and slamming him into the ground before Mr Kobran, now in his vampire form, tackled her to the ground. She kicked him off and stomped on his head. Mr Rucker tried to stand up, but quickly realized that he was stuck under the rubble. He watched as Taylor continued to flatten Kobran’s head.
Suddenly, Taylor was blasted off by two orange lasers. Chris Pratt walked through the curtains holding two laser guns and wearing his Star Lord armor from his role in Guardians of the Galaxy. As Taylor Swift ran towards him, he used his rocket boots to fly up into the air and he rammed into her, knocking her towards the stage and into the mouth of a T Rex from his role in Jurassic World.
The T Rex began to rear in victory, but it exploded as Taylor flew out, and she began to attack Chris Pratt. Mr Rucker got up and ran over to Mr Kobran, and he realized he was unconscious.
Mr Rucker lifted him out of the hole he was in and pulled him out of the way, just as the Indominous Rex bursted out of the curtains, attempting to crush Taylor in its Jaws, but she was too powerful. Chris flew around to the front of the Indominous and fired multiple shots at her, knocking her into its mouth. He used his powers to pile as many dinosaurs and alien tech around Taylor, creating a giant ball in the middle of the Concert Hall.
Rucker and Chris watched in horror as a pink light emerged from the cracks between the monsters, and the entire Hall exploded in a pink glow.
Mr Rucker got to his feet and looked around, seeing Chris Pratt unconscious on the ground, and Kobran gone. Taylor flew above, and stared down Mr Rucker, her eyes glowing pink just like everything else related to her. She held up her hand, and all of her Swifties that were still alive combined together into a giant fleshy arm that was raised into the air, ready to crush the History Teacher.
Suddenly, Mr Kobran landed in between the two of them, holding a bouquet of flowers. Mr Rucker and Taylor Swift both gasped, surprised at the outcome.
“Taylor, I am sorry for what I did to you. I have done many bad things and I hope I can start to make up for it.” Mr Kobran began. Taylor Swift screamed, swinging the giant arm down, but Mr Kobran caught it and continued. “I am not expecting you to forgive me, but I just want to ask that you stop hurting these two, take me instead if you need it. But, if you do, I want you to help them stop this madness and slavery.”
Taylor Swift retracted the giant arm and landed in front of Mr Kobran. She sighed and held out her hand. Before Mr Kobran could take it, Mario landed on her head, disintegrating her.
“Phew, that was close!” Chris yelped excitedly.
“CHRIS! I was making amends with her! UUUGGGHHH!”
“Oops, maybe I should’ve paid more attention. Anyway, we’re gonna need a new fourth member of the team, so let’s get going and forget I just killed her!” Chris said.
Mr Rucker stared out the window into the valley below. He watched as people, animals, and vehicles clattered about. He watched as the grass flew with the breeze. He watched as Downtown LA, which was caught in flames from the explosion, crumbled into pieces in a beautiful, dancing array of orange light.
“What would you three like for lunch today?” He heard a feminine voice ask. He turned around to see that a waiter had approached them, holding a pad of paper and a ballpoint pen in her hands.
“I’ll take one of your breakfast burritos, just add some coal from the front of the train inside, makes it extra spicy.” Kobran requested. The waiter stared at him as if he was some eldritch god or something, but snapped out of her trance before turning to Chris Pratt, who was seated beside Mr Rucker.
“May I have the Ramen with Egg and Spinach please?” He asked.
“Sir, we only have breakfast items.” The waiter replied.
“Then I’m fine.”
The waiter looked at Mr Rucker.
“What would you like, sir?”
“Can I have a bottle of edible deodorant please.” Mr Rucker replied. The waiter rubbed her forehead and yelled.
“We only have breakfast items!!!”
“Then I’m fine.”
The waiter stormed off with only one order, leaving the three in silence as they rode the train to Seattle. Seattle was where Amazon headquarters was located, and where they could find the next person to join their group: Jeff Bezos.
“Why do we need Jeff anyway?” Chris asked, breaking the silence. “What’s his power? Does he even have one?”
“Of course he does,” Kobran replied, “he can summon anything you can buy online from amazon or any other shipping company. He can give us supplies to break in, and stuff like katanas that would usually be worth hundreds of dollars.”
“Cool.”
When the train halted to a stop, the three walked off and looked off into the distance, where they saw the large city of Seattle. When they peered closer, they saw a tall building in the shape of the end of a conch shell. That was Amazon headquarters.
“Alright, does anyone have money? We need to get a cab.” Kobran asked.
“Why don’t we just fly there, why didn’t we just fly here instead of taking the train in the first place? Seems a little time consuming, don’t you think?” Rucker added.
“Yeah, maybe that was a better idea.” Chris said. They all leaped into the air, shooting off like rockets towards Seattle.
They all crashed through the window next to each other on the top floor, where in front of them was a tall chair holding what they assumed was Jeff Bezos. Mr Rucker reached for the chair to turn it around, but Mr Kobran slapped his hand.
“Let him do a dramatic turn himself, dingus.” Kobran whispered.
The chair spun around to reveal a cackling Robert E Lee. The three of them gasped.
“It’s you!” Chris cried. “Who are you again I forgot.”
“That’s Robert E Lee,” Mr Rucker began, “the right hand man of the leader of the Confederate army in the Civil War.” Chris Pratt nodded.
“Yes, I am he, and I am going to trap you in this building!” Robert laughed, hitting a button of the chair’s armrest which dropped metal shutters around all of the windows.
“You realize we can break through metal, right?” Rucker said.
“Yes, but it’s more dramatic that way haha!”
Guards stormed in the room wearing black uniforms and carrying guns that aimed at them with green light. The three of them looked on in fear as the guards pressed the triggers, shooting tranquilizer darts into them, somehow putting them to sleep.
They woke up in a concrete cell with steel bars covered by glass on one side. Mr Rucker looked through the glass at Robert E Lee, who had a taller man standing next to him. Mr Rucker, his eyes still blurry, couldn’t tell who it was. The person turned to Robert E Lee and said something before they both walked away. Mr Rucker’s senses returned, and he tried to burst through the bars but ended up slamming his fist on the steel and cracking his knuckles. Chris Pratt awoke and looked around before realizing something…
“Hey Rucker?” He asked.
“Yeah?”
“Where’s Mr Kobran?”
Meanwhile, Mr Kobran awoke, his arms and legs strapped to chains, forcing his body into a starfish pose. The door at the end of the hall opened up and Robert E Lee walked in. He could see a shadow behind Robert E Lee, but the bright light of the hallway connecting erased the visibility of the man’s features. Robert E Lee walked up to Mr Kobran and chuckled.
“Welcome back old man.” Lee said. “It’s been a while since you escaped. We’re happy to have you back at your true home. Your true… purpose…”
“What are you going to do to me!?” Mr Kobran yelled.
“Bro you’re an idiot.” Lee scoffed. “We’re going to keep you in this machine and force all the energy out of you. Just like we did before, you’re just a battery.”
Kobran tried to break out of the restraints, but he quickly realized he wasn’t strong enough, not anymore at least. Lee walked over to a lever and placed a glove on his hand. He smiled as he pulled the lever, zapping Kobran with thousands of bolts of energy. And, behind Kobran, a large machine powered up. Lots of Large machines.
Chris Pratt used alien tech from one of his movies to shoot an energy blast at the cage, melting it open. The two climbed through and looked around. They were in a long hallway. Each end of the hallway curved off into another behind them.
Mr Rucker walked forward and noticed a map. The map was shaped like a triangle. Each pont formed into a smaller triangle, then forming a square with many rectangular rooms around the outside and a big room in the middle called the “Observatory.” They were in the enemy base.
“They must’ve taken Kobran into that observatory.” Mr Rucker suggested.
“How do we get in?” Chris asked. “Bro i-d-k, I just got here like you!” Mr Rucker yelped.
“Actually, you got here a few hours ago.” A voice called out. Mr Rucker and Kobran turned around. The figure stepped out of the darkness. It was Jefferson Davis.
“What do you want with us!?” Chris added.
“I want you dead. Care to see my new… creation.” He held up his arm, and something large and gooey rummaged down the hallway and halted right behind Jefferson Davis. It was a giant ball of flesh, arms, legs, heads, and guns sticking out on all sides like spikes on a porcupine.
“What the hell is wrong with you!?” Mr Rucker questioned.
“This, amalgamation is…well… an amalgamation of all of the dead soldiers in the Civil War. I was kind enough to help them reanimate. And they were kind enough to assist me in killing you two!” He yelled, swinging his arm down, sending a barrage of green spikes firing at Rucker and Pratt. Mr Rucker formed an energy shield and deflected the spikes, but realized the amalgamation was barreling for him.
“Rucker, we gotta run!” The two darted down the hall, barely getting past the corner as the amalgamation crashed into the wall, nearly crushing them.
As they circled around the complex a few times, Mr Rucker noticed a giant industrial grade door that would presumably get them into the observatory.
“Chris!” Mr Rucker yelled as they reached another corner.
“Yeah?”
“We need to get into that door to free Kobran!” He explained.
“IDIOTS!” Jefferson Davis yelled from the other hallway. They were cornered… in a corner. “You have nowhere to run.”
Suddenly, a box crashed through the wall and smacked right into Jefferson Davis. Jeff grabbed the box off his face and looked into it. Then, a boxing glove sprung from it, launching him through the back wall. A figure stepped through the hole the box had made.
“Need your delivery the day you order it? Just buy with Amazon… and use the promo code MrBeast100 for 1000% off your next delivery.”
“Jeff Bezos!” Chris and Rucker yelled.
“Yeah, I saw you guys get captured at my establishment while I was out getting some groceries for my sick grandma. I beat up all the guys and took back by my giant amazon starship. Now everything is all and good.” Jeffery explained.
“Starship!?” Chris gasped.
“Yeah, you didn’t know my headquarters is above a giant amazon box shaped spaceship?”
“No…” Mr Rucker and Chris said in unison.
Suddenly, three more green spikes went flying at Bezos. He used a lego captain america shield lego set to block them. He launched the set box back at Jefferson, who had gotten up. He used a green sword to slice through the box and began running at Jeffery.
“Don’t worry pals, I can take him.” Bezos ordered.
“Wait!” Mr Rucker exclaimed. “We need a grenade to blast open that door!”
“Good thing I have access to the black market, here ya go, it’s still in use!” Bezos said, tossing Mr Rucker a grenade. Mr Rucker and Chris ran towards the blast door and jumped over the amalgamation who was sitting there patiently for a treat. Mr Rucker opened the grenade and threw it at the door.
They burst in, finding Mr Kobran strapped to a machine that was draining power to something in the darkness. Robert E Lee spun around, shocked that they had escaped.
“The jig is up, Lee, give us back Kobran! Your boss is about to get defeated by Jeffery Be-”. Mr Rucker began, but suddenly Jeff Bezos went flying through the wall, barely conscious.
Jefferson Davis stepped in, holding a green ax in his left hand and a group of spikes collected on his right arm, ready to attack.
“No, I believe it’s the end for you.” Lee pressed a button on his dashboard, causing bright blue lights to switch on from the darkness.
Robert E Lee had created thousands of Blimp-Spiders, and they had finally gotten a power source. And, they were remote controlled.
“I have created thousands of Blimp-Spiders, and they have finally gotten a power source. And, they’re remote controlled!” He yelled, hitting another button.
“Huh… that’s what I was thinking, like word for word…” Mr Rucker said before one of the robots flew over and grabbed him. He tried to blast out, but quickly remembered they restricted his movement.
“YOU KNOW WHAT’S ALSO REMOTE CONTROLLED?” Jeff Bezos yelled, getting up.
Everyone gasped.
“My giant amazon box-shaped STARSHIP!” He pressed a button on his watch, sending a laser beam right through the roof. A few seconds later, mini amazon box drones burst through and set Mr Rucker free. They then went for the blimp spider, but Lee activated them and they fought back.
Mr Rucker ran over and knocked over Lee before powering off the machine and blasting off the cuffs holding Kobran. Kobran was unconscious by now, so Rucker threw him over his shoulder and turned back to Chris.
“We need to go, NOW!” Chris nodded and helped Bezos up, and the four of them flew off. Suddenly, something slimy grabbed Rucker’s leg, jolting him back and causing him to drop Mr Kobran where he landed in the Base parking lot. The guards in the parking lot realized what was happening and rushed over, grabbing Mr Kobran and began darting towards the entrance.
Mr Rucker looked back, seeing that the fleshy ball had become a giant arm holding him back. Jefferson Davis climbed onto the arm and pulled out his weapons again.
“Why not have both you and Kobran as power sources! I mean, Kobran probably won’t last much longer anyway. We need a backup.” He said, commanding the arm to retract, beginning to pull Rucker back through the hole in the roof.
“CHRIS! JEFF! HEEELP!” Mr Rucker cried. Chris turned around, but Jeff continued towards his starship in the sky. Chris held out his hand, but decided to turn back for Mr Rucker. He leaped off his pterodactyl and landed on the arm. He pulled out an alien bomb and threw it at Davis. The bomb exploded before Davis could react, severing the arm in half and sending Davis back into the building.
Suddenly, the blimp-bots burst out of the roof of the observatory like a swarm of bees. They spread into the air, but some stayed back and aimed for Chris and Rucker.
“You go protect Kobran,” Chris began, hopping back onto his pterodactyl, “I’ll hold these guys off.” Mr Rucker nodded and flew back down. He landed in front of the guards and used a sonic blast to knock them to the ground. He grabbed Kobran and tried to fly off, but a mechanical arm swung down, smacking him to the ground and pushing Kobran out of his grasp. He tried to break out, but he was under the leg of a giant Blimp-bot. It was the same one that had attacked him in the last episode--- piloted by Robert E Lee.
Lee looked out of the shattered glass and cackled.
“You thought you could get away? NO! My research must continue! We will continue slavery! I just need your friend.” The other mechanical arm, which had been fixed, reached down and picked up Mr Kobran. “Like I always say, the more the merrier!”
The Blimp-Bot rose into the air and climbed onto the observatory roof and sent a stairwell out of the glass that landed on the floor.
However, before the mechanical arms could place Rucker and Kobran back down in the lab, A laser cut the stairwell in half, nearly missing Lee. Lee looked up to see the giant Amazon Box-shaped starship hovering above, its blue tractor beam shining down on them. Bezos leaped from the hole in the ship and landed in front of Lee.
“Oh, so it’s a duel you want?” Lee snarled.
“Nah, I just want you to take a seat!” Bezos grabbed an amazon box which opened to reveal a display toilet, and he threw it at Lee. Lee tried to get out of the way, but the toilet landed on him, transporting him to another dimension before it shattered from the impact on the ground.
Jeff released Rucker and Kobran, and they all flew up to the amazon box-shaped starship to meet up with Pratt.
“Hey! Lookie at all these colorful buttons!” Chris giggled. “I’m gonna press ‘em!” Chris pressed a big red button that shot them up into the atmosphere, but the red shield over the earth blocked them from exiting. Now they could see all of the upper equator.
“Jeff, let me explain.” Rucker said. “We need your help to stop all of the confederates and Jefferson Davis from placing slavery as a permanent thing. We need to break through this barrier and get to space.”
“Hmm… I see. Sadly, my tech won’t be enough to break this barrier. Trust me, I’ve tried.”
“Well we think we can destroy the main Confederate Base where they’re holding the power for the sheild. We just can’t get in.” Rucker continued.
“Yeah. I’ll do it. I’m fed up with this shitakimushrooms.” Jeff pressed a button on his dashboard, which set a course for the Atlantic Ocean.
Opening his eyes, Robert E Lee sat up. He looked around, seeing that the display toilet had transported him into an endless space filled with shelves of housing supplies and other display items and rooms. He stood up and held up his arm to blast through the roof, but when trying to use his powers, he realized they didn’t work.
He looked down at his hand, but out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a staff member passing by the aisle he was in.
“Hey, YOU!” He called out. The staff member stopped and turned to him. Suddenly, he realized the staff member had no hair or face, his skin was white as parchment paper, and his right arm, which had previously been hidden, was twice as buff as the last.
The staff member suddenly darted towards Robert, tackling him to the ground as other staff members joined in on the dog pile as they all continuously blurted out in unison, “The store is closed, please exit the building.”
Robert E Lee’s screams were eventually drowned out and muffled by the groaning staff members and the large pile of them that grew by the second.
They had reached their destination. The amazon box-shaped starship halted to a stop above the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
“Why are we in the middle of nowhere?” Chris Pratt asked.
“When the rebels fought back thousands of years ago, Kobran was helped by the Blobfish, rulers of the ocean. They control any and every living thing under the ocean depths. We need their help to fight off the Blimp-bots and Davis.” Rucker explained.
The ship’s circular drop point opened up, shining a blue light down into the murky depths of the deep ocean.
“Here,” Bezos said, “you can use our water-suits. I got these off the dark web. You can use them to get into the bottom of the ocean. These things protect you from the pressure and should be strong enough to hold off shark bites and octopus tentacles.”
“Thanks.” Rucker said. “Keep an eye on Kobran for us, Bezos.”
“Sure thing. And… good luck.”
A few hours later, Mr Rucker and Chris Pratt had reached the king of the Blobfish, Bob Fisher, who sat upon a throne made of gold and spiked with tridents.
“Hey, ruler of the blobfish-” Mr Rucker began.
“WE ARE NOT BLOBFISH!” Bob bellowed. “We are actually Psychrolutes marcidus, the term blob fish is pretty rude to us.”
“Sorry, Bob the blob, but we need help defeating the Confederates and stopping slavery!” Chris explained.
“First of all, you still called me a blob,” Bob scoffed, “and second, we blobfish will not dare to meddle in your idiotic affairs above the waves. Slavery is dumb, why can’t you just like… hug it out or something dumb you humans do?”
“Pardon me, sir, but we are not strong enough to defeat this threat on our own, and I believe ‘just hugging it out’ won’t help. These are humans, they’re vile and selfish.” Rucker added.
“That’s true, but I still refuse to help. My army will stay here and that is final.” Bob said.
“So, how’d it go?” Bezos asked when Chris and Rucker returned to the ship.
“Badly, Bob the blob won’t lend us his army. We have to do this on our own.” Chris said.
“Oh, I’m sorry, but at least we have enough time. We can get the other rulers from around the world, right?” Suddenly, a giant red laser blasted into the sky from the middle of New York. It began to amplify the shield, shrinking it in size yet thickening the shield itself.
“I’m afraid we don’t have time, Bezos. It’s now or never.” Rucker said. Bezos nodded, and turned the ship around, setting the course for New York City.
The ship shot into place above New York city, just a few miles away from the giant laser.
“What!?” Mr Rucker yelled. “Why are we stopping here? We need to get closer!”
“This amazon box-shaped starship is my BABY, I don’t know what’ll happen if I get it closer to that laser.” Bezos explained.
“Fine, I guess we’re going on foot.” Chris sighed.
“What about Kobran?” Bezos asked.
“He’s still unconscious, we have to leave him here until we’re done. We may be down a member but I still believe in us.” Rucker smirked. They all held hands and jumped out of the dropbox, Mr Rucker blasting towards the base and carrying the others.
Davis walked outside of their base and peered up into the sky, watching the dancing light emanating from the laser.
“Davis!” One of the guards yelled, running up to him.
“Yes?”
“The laser is shrinking the shield… it’ll crush us inside, sir!”
“I know,” Davis replied, “we just have to stop it once it touches the tallest building in the world. If I want slavery to continue, we need to trap people on this planet forever, and closely to it as well.” He explained.
Suddenly, Rucker Bezos and Pratt landed behind Davis.
“You! Shut off the shield or we’ll have to force you to do it!” Pratt ordered.
“No, I don’t think I will.” He snapped, and the amalgamation of dead soldiers leapt from the roof of the base, now tripled in size. It landed right in front of Davis.
The group looked up in terror as the large creature grew three school bus-sized eyes which stared them down. Jeff spun around, throwing three spikes that aimed for each of them. Rucker reached out, forming an energy shield to block them. He then sent the shield right back at Davis. However, Davis caught it in his right hand and threw it into the air. The amalgamation grew a mouth that quickly swallowed the energy shield. This power grew him slightly larger.
“Feast, Princess.” Davis said. The amalgamation howled, growing a giant fist that slammed into the ground. Everyone jumped out of the way as it created a shockwave that shook the area.
“How do we fight this thing?” Chris cried.
“Just the way you fight a balloon, you pop it.” Rucker replied, shooting an energy blast straight at the creature’s eye, but it closed its eye before the laser could strike it. It then swung its arm around, but Rucker used another energy shield to block the power of the attack.
Bezos took out a katana and sliced off the arm, setting Rucker free from holding it back, and the three leaped onto different parts of the monster.
Soon, Mr Rucker realized the flesh was too gooey to get through without a lot of strength, and he looked up to ask his friends for help. They weren’t there. He farther up where he saw one of the blim-bots holding Chris, and another next to it holding Bezos.
“I told you, you can’t defeat me. Slavery will never end.” Davis said, flying behind Rucker. He pulled out a green energy sword and threw it at Rucker. But, Rucker had a plan.
Mr Rucker jumped out of the way, and the sword slabbed right into the middle of the amalgamation. It convulsed for a few seconds before exploding into a gooey mess.
Davis was shocked. His princess was dead, and he was furious. He ordered all of the Blimp-Bots still in action to swarm around Rucker. They obliged, and slammed Rucker into the ground. With hundreds of them piling on top, Rucker wasn’t powerful enough to escape, especially because of their power-dampening technology.
“HELP!” Mr Rucker cried. No response.
Mr Rucker waited for what felt like hours as the pain continued, more robots piling on and placing more weight onto him. This was the end.
Suddenly, all of the weight was flung off as something exploded all of the Blimp-Bots, except for the two holding Chris and Bezos.
The zooming light that had saved Rucker… was Mr Kobran.
“Kobran! You’re awake!” Mr Rucker yelped, crying happy tears. He launched up and the two hugged in the air.
“No, no, no, NO!” Jefferson screamed. He fired all of the energy weapons he could think of at the two, but they blasted them all away with energy. Some of the weapons flew into the two remaining Blimp-Bots, freeing Jeff and Pratt.
Jefferson snarled. He grabbed one more giant green hammer and blasted towards Rucker. He swung it, knocking Kobran to the left and Rucker straight down. Mr Rucker, now in a crater, tried to get up, but another mechanical claw came crashing down on him.
The claw picked him up, and he saw Lee. Lee was still alive, and in this dimension. His hair and clothes were ragged and cut, he had bruises and blood all over his face, it looked like the dimension he had gone to had got him good.
“Did ya miss me, Rucker?” Lee laughed.
“You! How did you get back?” Rucker asked.
“You guys sent me to some weird warehouse, and these white karens attacked me… but then I realized I could just go through the roof! Pretty simple if you ask me. And thankfully, the Ikea I was trapped in was right near the other base where my Blimp-Bot was still being held.”
Jefferson flew next to Robert and congratulated him. Then they looked at Rucker.
“I guess you’re too much of a threat to be used as a battery… we can find another replacement.” The claw began to crush Rucker.
Suddenly, something cut off the arm holding Rucker.
“No! Not again!” Lee shouted as Rucker flew away from the arm before it crashed onto the ground.
Mr Rucker looked up. Standing atop the Blimp-Bot was Bob Fisher.
“Bob?” Rucker asked.
“My name is Bob the Psychrolutes marcidus… and you have sinned.” Bob threw up a trident which sprung out of his mouth, stabbing into the blimp and popping it, causing the entire thing to fall and explode on impact with the ground.
Lee’s charred corpse slided out of the debris, black as ash before it dusted away.
“Lee!” Davis weeped. “Not my slavery buddy!”
“Eh,” Mr Rucker said, “I like Bob the blob more.”
“I shouldn’t have helped you.” Bob sighed.
Jefferson shot up and pulled out the hammer in one hand, and a spike in the other.
“I never liked fish, but at least I still have my giant laser shield… there’ll be no stopping me hahaha!” He laughed.
Then, the giant laser shut off, and the shield around the earth began to crack. Pieces began to rain down onto earth, destroying anything below them.
“Rucker!” Bezos yelled after exiting the building. “We shut off the barrier! You have to get up there and fix the timeline!”
Mr Rucker looked up, seeing a distant quasar convulsing.
“But what about you guys?”
“We’ll die in this timeline, but if you reset it we’ll be fine.” Chris added.
“But then you’ll forget me… everything won’t be worth it!”
“No, as long as slavery is gone, it’s fixed. Now go!” Bezos commanded.
Jefferson conjured up all of his power and held out his hand, about to fire a giant blast at Rucker. However, Bob Fisher jumped on Jefferson, diverting the blast and using it to shatter the shield piece above them.
“We’ll hold this dude off.” Bob added.
“Rucker, good luck.” Kobran smirked.
Mr Rucker nodded, and blasted up into the sky, headed for the distant quasar…
…It took time to convince people, but soon, Rucker and Lincoln had enough people to stand a chance against Mr. Kobrin. They just needed artillery and weapons, as they knew it would help. Rucker arrived at the White House to meet up with Lincoln before their storm on Kobrin. They met up and Lincoln walked to the balcony to watch the troops prepare. Suddenly, he spun around and shot his hand at Mr Rucker, trapping him in its grasp.
Mr Rucker was trapped. Abraham Lincoln laughed, but he was suddenly pulled away and thrown onto the floor. It was Mr Rucker. Another one. The one from the present.
“Who are you?” Past Mr Rucker asked.
“Idiot, I’m you… but from the future.” Future. Mr Rucker explained. “I’ll call you Mr Rucker2, so no one gets confused.” He continued.
Suddenly, Mr Rucker was stabbed in the chest by a green sword. He was thrown to the side revealing Jefferson Davis.
“HAH! You thought I wouldn’t know where to look? Well, here I am…” He aimed his sword back towards Mr Rucker2. Mr Rucker rammed into Davis, nearly knocking him over, but Davis pushed him off. Then, Rucker2 leaped onto Davis and began gnawing into his shoulder like a feral animal.
“Get off me, psycho!” Davis yelped.
Mr Rucker lifted up his leg and kicked Jefferson Davis hard, where he ended up knocking both Davis and Mr Rucker2 out the window. Abraham Lincoln watched in horror as Mr Rucker jumped out, landing on the ground with a thump in the Family Guy dead pose. He sprung up and realized that Jefferson Davis was holding Mr Rucker2 by the neck, his glowing and pulsating hand reaching out for Rucker2’s head.
“Mr Rucker, despite knowing everything that happened in the past, you truly are oblivious. If I can’t fight you, I’ll have to exterminate your past self. We can watch together as you fade away into dust!” Davis laughed, his hand charging up with thousands of energy particles. He pulled his hand back, but before he could strike, he was knocked out of the way by a mysterious figure. As the dust cleared, Mr Rucker realized it was Kobran.
“Kobran!” Mr Rucker yelped. He went over and hugged Kobran.
Suddenly, Jefferson Davis stood back up and fired a laser at the two of them. Mr Rucker pushed off Kobran, knocking them both out of the way. Mr Kobran retaliated quickly, kicking Davis’s hand away allowing Mr Rucker to come in and give him a slap across the face. The three fought for a bit, and Mr Rucker2 decided to head back up to Abraham Lincoln.
“What is happening!?” Lincoln shouted.
“I don’t know, but we have to get out of here if we want to stop Kobran.”
“About that…” Lincoln remarked. Suddenly, his hat fell off and a giant arm sprouted from his head, flattening Mr Rucker2.
Mr Rucker and Kobran knocked Davis to the ground, where he surrendered. Mr Rucker held out a glowing fist, ready to evaporate Davis from reality.
“We have you cornered.” Mr Kobran said. “There’s nowhere to run.”
Jefferson Davis laughed like a maniac. “YOU FOOLS!!!” He yelled. “You forgot about why you came here in the first place! Abraham Lincoln is about to be killed by his vice president Hamlin, and you’re too late…”
The two gasped and immediately flew off towards the building Lincoln was in.
“And so I thought,” Lincoln began, “why not just kill you too! I deserve the power of a god, not you! I have done SO much to help these people, who I thought were real, and I get to die in a booth watching a stage play! That’s not happening.”
Suddenly, the door burst open behind them and Hamlin appeared with a gun in hand. He pressed the trigger, but a blast of light shot through the window, destroying the bullet before it could hit Abraham Lincoln.
Mr Rucker stepped through and put a force field created by light over the door, blocking Hamlin from getting back in.
“Lincoln…” He started. “I didn’t have time to write some big speech, so can you just give up and let this Mr Rucker go? Let him use your army to fight against Mr Kobran.”
“Eh, I can understand the fact that you can’t write a speech right now so honestly sure.” Lincoln agreed, lifting his arm and letting Mr Rucker2 go. “Here, let’s get to stopping this guy.” Mr Rucker2 and Mr Rucker shook hands before walking out of the room and breaking the force field. Mr Rucker watched and smiled.
Suddenly, Jefferson Davis burst into the room and held out his arm, ready to blast Mr Rucker and Kobran into pieces, when his arm dusted away. He screamed in agony and clutched what was left of his arm before it disappeared. He reached out towards the two of them with his other hand.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!” He cried. “I can’t go… I can’t! I need to keep slav--” His mouth dusted away, and so did the rest of his body. The dust evaporated as well.
Mr Rucker turned back to Kobran and realized Kobran was dusting away as well.
“Jedidiah,” he said calmly, “I have done a lot of bad things in my life. I felt angry, I was greedy. And for once I was able to do something good. It’s been… quite a while. Thank you for helping me become a better person.” The two embraced and Mr Kobran finally turned to dust and floated away.
Five Months later…
Mr Rucker grabbed a bowl, a cereal box, and some milk and placed them together. He opened the utensil drawer and pulled out a spoon before resting on the couch. He flicked on the TV and the news came on.
“Welcome to another day of sunny, cloudless blue skies, and no reports of kidnapping! People are now calling it people-napping! I mean, many people seem to just be disappearing next to sewer drains, but at least that’s better than just the kids. We can now deal with overpopulation yay!” A news reporter said.
Mr Rucker looked out the window and smiled. He missed Mr Kobran, but at least he knew his arch nemesis was truly good at heart. It was bad that the planet wouldn’t know of his sacrifice to save them.
PS: I mean they didn’t really know Kobran was a god either but whatever…
I’m not a fan of the ruckerverse but this is like the amount of the entire weekly mene
Bro this is 30 MINUTES?!?!?