The Pepperoni Cook Book

How to make moderately tasty foods:

Cheez Its

Step 1: go to store

Step 2: Buy cheez its

Step 3:Walk somewhere in a 9000 mile radius

Step 4: Get a bowl

Step 5: Open the bag of cheez its

Step 6: Either eat the cheez its straight from the bag or pour it into a bowl

Toast

Step 1: go to fridge

Step 2: get bread

Step 3: realize you don’t have a toaster

Step 4: Steal friends toaster

Step 5: Forget how to use toaster

Step 6: eat bread raw

Cake

Step 0: First, you’ll need flour eggs, sugar, salt, milk, and baking soda.

Step 1: shove all of those into your mouth and set it on fire in your mouth

Step 2: gulp it down until you choke

Fish

Step 1: Go to fishing store

Step 2: Get a fishing rod

Step 3: Lose the rod

Step 4: Go back to store

Step 5: Eat Fish before paying

Balloon

Step 1: Get a life

Step 2: Have a birthday party (preferably with friends, but you don’t have any)

Step 3: I really want to, chug jug balloons

Money

Step 0: Get a life

Step 0.5: Lose the life

Step 1: Go to a bank with a mask and gun.

Step 2: Eat those and apply for a job at the bank

Step 3: When the paychecks come, rinse, then eat.

Money: The Sequel

Step 1: Go to a bank with mask mask and gun

Step 2: Sell them to the clerk for a reasonable price

Step 3: Get denied

Step 4: Get the cops called on you

Step 5: Sell the gun and mask for a very reasonable price

Step 6: Get denied

Step 7: Go to court

Step 8: Sell the stuff to the judge

Step 9: Get denied

Step 10: Sell the gun to a legal agency

Step 11: Get sent to jail

Step 12: Wait out your sentence

Step 13: Sell on EBay for $5

Mc Nugget

Step 1: Get a job

Step 2: Make the job mcdonalds

Step 3: Secretly get free food without anyone looking

Whopper:

Step 1: Go on youtube

Step 2: Wait until ad

Step 3: Get rickrolled and get a whopper in heaven

Liver:

Step 1: Wait three days until Mario steals your liver

Step 2: Fight back and steal liver

Step 3: Add garlic salt and EAT.

Chex mix:

Step 0: Get a life

Step 1: Go to store

Step 2: Get bag

Step 3: Open bag

Step 4: Remove everything besides the squares

Step 5: Get arrested and eat the prison chex mix

Pepperoni:

Step 1: Get a pepperoni pizza from your preferred pizza place

Step 2: Pluck off the pepperoni

Step 3: *om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom

Socks:

Step 1: Kidnap child

Step 2: Make sure its outside

Step 3: Loot your stomach like fortnite

Step 4: Look for sock

Step 5: Shove sock down throat

Broccoli: Step 1: Say a cuss word

Step 2: Go to jail then say a cuss word in jail

Step 3: They’ll give you your broccoli.

Step 4: Eat

Wheat:

Step 1: Go to the store

Step 2: Go get bread

Step 3: Steal bread

Step 4: Eat bread

Step 5: Break bread down with stomach acid

Step 6: Use porta potty

Step 7: Steal the poo

Step 8: Extract wheat

Step 9: Clean if wanted

Step 10: Eat wheat.

Beans

Step 1: Go to farm at Italy

Step 2: Farm for 7 years and 4.5 months

Step 3: Sell it for 13 Iira

Step 4: Buy 2 beans

Step 5: Lose the beans

Step 6: Go back to farm

Step 7: Sell the farm for a can of beans

Step 8: Eat

Cookie

Step 1: Watch Elmo

Step 2: Go into the TV

Step 3: Find cookie man (copyright is illegal)

Step 4: Steal over 300 thousand cookies

Step 5: Sell all of them but 1

Step 6: Eat

Grilled cheese:

Step 1: Get a life

Step 2: Find Obama

Step 3: Confuse Obama

Step 4: Make him say I don’t understand this

Step 5: Get a grilled cheese sandwich

Step 6: Eat

Pineapple

Step 1: Go outside

Step 2: Touch grass

Step 3: Find bush

Step 4: Grab bush

Step 5: Rip bush out of the ground

Step 6: Eat the totally real pineapple 😀

Sandwich:

Step 0: Come on man, you don’t even know how to make TOAST, and you're trying to make a sandwich. Get a life you disgusting moron.

Step 1: Clap your hands for practice for the next step

Step 2: Clap your hands, but with toast in those hands.

Step 3: eat

Donut

Step: 1 get a life

Step 2: You do not get a donut 😂😂😂😂 L

Step 3: Go to the store

Step 4: Leave the store

Step 5: Beg

Step 6: Save money

Step 7: Make money into a circle

Step 8: Eat the “Donut”

Step:

Step 0: Wait, now your trying to eat steps on a STAIRCASE YOU STUPID UNINTELlIGENT BUFFOON

Step 1: Go to your grandma’s house

Step 2: Yummy stairs

Step 3: Cut off the stairs

Step 4: *oh god my mouth can’t fit all of this, this was a really stupid idea. Ahhhagdjfsgfuygasufdkafygjszdx - gulp*

Step 5: 👍

Mercury:

Step 1: Build time machine

Step 2: Go back in time to 1990.

Step 3: Find freddie mercury

Step 4: E

Step 5: A

Step 6: T

Book:

Step 1: Get a life

Step 2: Remove all of life’s meaning by going to school

Step 3: Kick smaller kid’s ankles

Step 4: Rob backpack

Step 5: Get book

Step 6: Burn book

Step 7: Repeat 1-5

Step 8: Eat book

Pepperoni Cultist

Step 1: YOU WANT TO EAT THE AUTHOR YOU SHORT PEASANT

Step 2: Buy 999999999999999999 pepperoni pizzas

Step 3: Summon Pepperoni Llama

Step 4: Get eaten by Pepperoni Llama

Step 5: Find me

Step 5.5: I’m near the kidneys

Step 6: Put in fridge

Step 7: Consume after 35 minutes 2 months and 47 seconds

Step 8: You’ll never do it successfully you pathetic loser (I’m better than you peasant)